Friday, March 10, 2006
Mmmm... Cappuchino
I've developed a little bit of a drinking problem lately. No, not an alcoholic drinking problem. I've been working on that for some time. This isn't Party of 5 or Beverly Hills 90210. You can't become an alcoholic in a matter of months. You have to devote yourself for years to reach such an exalted level. But like Bailey or Dylan, I've developed a serious drinking problem very quickly. I can't stop drinking cappuchinos. (That makes me a cappuchinoholic, which is a wonderful word, by the way.)
I'd like to point out that I hate Starbuck's. I hate the whole culture. I prefer the more refined culture of the local gas station. In what can only be described as the greatest development since breast implants, almost every gas station has started carrying cappuchino machines. I'm seriously thinking about having one installed in my kitchen.
I've liked coffee for some time now. And I always thought that people who drank anything but black coffee was a total retard. Then I decided to add a little sugar to my coffee. Zing! I've been drinking Diet Coke for so long that I forgot what a rush it was to have a little sugar in your coffee. Then I added a little milk. Before long, I was drinking sugar milk (with a splash of coffee for color).
A year ago, my Jeep just about exploded. I had to pawn it off on a car dealer, and quick. So I headed up to my family's cabin in WI to get the soft top (which I stored there for long, boring, unimportant reasons). At the time, my senile grampa was living there. I decided I'd rather drive home completely exhausted in a snow storm than spend any time with him. (I'm a great grandson, I know. I don't deal well with senility, which means I'm destined to get it. Assuming I don't have it already. And judging by the length of my parenthetical comments, I think it's safe to assume Senor Senility is knocking on my door.)
As I'm leaving Fond du Lac, I stop at a gas station for some caffeine. I was going to get a Sobe iced tea or something. Those always give me a nice rush. I just happened to come across one of those new-fangled cappuchino machines. It was cold and snowy out, and I wanted something to warm me up too. (God, this sounds like a letter to Playboy or something.) So, on a whim, I got a French Vanilla Cappuchino. Oh my.
The ride home was GREAT. Sure, I almost died a few times from the snow. But I was WIRED. And the cappuchino was delicious to boot. Within a month, I was having one every morning. By the second month, it was 2 a day. In the third month, I was mainlining the stuff and snorting non-dairy creamer. I was out of control.
Thanks to the wonderful people at Cappuchinoholics Anonymous, I was able to slay the beast that was my addiction. It wasn't easy admitting it, but I had a family to think of. Quitting wasn't easy either. I had to quit my job and sit around the house a lot, watching old episodes of NYPD Blue. But I managed to get the monkey off my back. Or so I had thought.
A couple of weeks ago, I started working again. I was tired on my first day of work, so I innocently stopped at the gas station for a coffee. But the cappuchino machine beckoned me and I couldn't resist. I've been able to keep my cappuchino fix down to once a day. I think I have control over the beast that dwells within me. But it's only a matter of time until I spiral down and start ordering Vente Carmel Macchiatos at Starbuck's. And if I ever get to that point, I ask that someone just shoot me.
I'd like to point out that I hate Starbuck's. I hate the whole culture. I prefer the more refined culture of the local gas station. In what can only be described as the greatest development since breast implants, almost every gas station has started carrying cappuchino machines. I'm seriously thinking about having one installed in my kitchen.
I've liked coffee for some time now. And I always thought that people who drank anything but black coffee was a total retard. Then I decided to add a little sugar to my coffee. Zing! I've been drinking Diet Coke for so long that I forgot what a rush it was to have a little sugar in your coffee. Then I added a little milk. Before long, I was drinking sugar milk (with a splash of coffee for color).
A year ago, my Jeep just about exploded. I had to pawn it off on a car dealer, and quick. So I headed up to my family's cabin in WI to get the soft top (which I stored there for long, boring, unimportant reasons). At the time, my senile grampa was living there. I decided I'd rather drive home completely exhausted in a snow storm than spend any time with him. (I'm a great grandson, I know. I don't deal well with senility, which means I'm destined to get it. Assuming I don't have it already. And judging by the length of my parenthetical comments, I think it's safe to assume Senor Senility is knocking on my door.)
As I'm leaving Fond du Lac, I stop at a gas station for some caffeine. I was going to get a Sobe iced tea or something. Those always give me a nice rush. I just happened to come across one of those new-fangled cappuchino machines. It was cold and snowy out, and I wanted something to warm me up too. (God, this sounds like a letter to Playboy or something.) So, on a whim, I got a French Vanilla Cappuchino. Oh my.
The ride home was GREAT. Sure, I almost died a few times from the snow. But I was WIRED. And the cappuchino was delicious to boot. Within a month, I was having one every morning. By the second month, it was 2 a day. In the third month, I was mainlining the stuff and snorting non-dairy creamer. I was out of control.
Thanks to the wonderful people at Cappuchinoholics Anonymous, I was able to slay the beast that was my addiction. It wasn't easy admitting it, but I had a family to think of. Quitting wasn't easy either. I had to quit my job and sit around the house a lot, watching old episodes of NYPD Blue. But I managed to get the monkey off my back. Or so I had thought.
A couple of weeks ago, I started working again. I was tired on my first day of work, so I innocently stopped at the gas station for a coffee. But the cappuchino machine beckoned me and I couldn't resist. I've been able to keep my cappuchino fix down to once a day. I think I have control over the beast that dwells within me. But it's only a matter of time until I spiral down and start ordering Vente Carmel Macchiatos at Starbuck's. And if I ever get to that point, I ask that someone just shoot me.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Anonymity -- You Rock!
Every once in awhile I question why I'm writing this anonymously. There's only 2 people reading this right now and both of them live in my house. (Mocha's been taking reading lessons and is doing amazingly well. Still shitting in the house, but reading at a 4th grade level.) Well, today I had something happen that made me realize how great it is to be anonymous.
I've written several times about my last internship here at M&S. I worked with two Ricks, both of which were annoying. Well, one of them (Rick) is working at a large accounting firm (LAF) downtown doing valuation work. One of my hook-ups at school put me in touch with a recruiter at LAF. Today, I had a little conversation with Silvie. (Quick - is that a man or a woman? I've been thinking it's a man in my emails, but it turns out it's a woman. Good thing I didn't address my emails to Mr. Silvie.)
We started talking about my history and I had to make something up about how I want to valuation work for the rest of my life. (I can't think of anything I want to do for the rest of my life. Not even drink beer! I mean, at some point I'm going to want a Jack and Coke, right?) We start talking about my time here at M&S. Silvie mentions that Rick just started working at LAF. So I tell her that my return to M&S is because of Rick going to LAF. Well, Silvie mentions that Rick highly recommends that LAF hire me. So now it looks like I'm going to have an interview over there in a couple of weeks.
If Rick had googled my name just for the hell of it and found this blog, he would have no doubt found out just how big of an idiot I think he is. And honestly, I'm not thrilled with the idea of working with Rick again. But LAF is a large company with many divisions. Once I get in there, I can (hopefully) hop around to other areas and get the hell away from Rick. But it's nice to know that I can badmouth people all I want and not have to worry about finding employment. God bless the internet!
I've written several times about my last internship here at M&S. I worked with two Ricks, both of which were annoying. Well, one of them (Rick) is working at a large accounting firm (LAF) downtown doing valuation work. One of my hook-ups at school put me in touch with a recruiter at LAF. Today, I had a little conversation with Silvie. (Quick - is that a man or a woman? I've been thinking it's a man in my emails, but it turns out it's a woman. Good thing I didn't address my emails to Mr. Silvie.)
We started talking about my history and I had to make something up about how I want to valuation work for the rest of my life. (I can't think of anything I want to do for the rest of my life. Not even drink beer! I mean, at some point I'm going to want a Jack and Coke, right?) We start talking about my time here at M&S. Silvie mentions that Rick just started working at LAF. So I tell her that my return to M&S is because of Rick going to LAF. Well, Silvie mentions that Rick highly recommends that LAF hire me. So now it looks like I'm going to have an interview over there in a couple of weeks.
If Rick had googled my name just for the hell of it and found this blog, he would have no doubt found out just how big of an idiot I think he is. And honestly, I'm not thrilled with the idea of working with Rick again. But LAF is a large company with many divisions. Once I get in there, I can (hopefully) hop around to other areas and get the hell away from Rick. But it's nice to know that I can badmouth people all I want and not have to worry about finding employment. God bless the internet!
Monday, March 06, 2006
The Stakes Have Been Raised
If you're a fan of 24 and you haven't seen this week's episode yet, just stop reading. Plenty of spoilers in here.
Today on Fox, they aired 2 episodes of 24 back-to-back. That's about 1 hour too much. It's taken me the better part of an hour to calm down after what I saw. It's also taken me some time to recover from the realization that I'm one sick bastard. Allow me to explain.
Tonight's episodes featured the triumphant return on Kim Bauer, played by the inimitable Elisha Cuthbert. Hubba hubba. Kim is an idiot. I don't have the patience to list the stupid things she's done on 24. She single-handedly tried to ruin the show. Trust me. Well, now she's back because Jack (her father) has to tell he's still alive. At least, for now. Because at the end of the "day," he's supposed to disappear again. Make sense? Didn't think so.
Anyway, the plot this season revolves around some pissed-off Russian Separist terrorists. (Personally, I think that if terrorists weren't always so pissed-off, the world would be a much better place. But then 24 would suck. I digress.) These terrorists got their hands on some Nerve Gas. Bad stuff. And they want to use it on US citizens because the President of the US didn't follow through on his deal to let the terrorists assassinate the Russian premier, even though they hit his limo with a rocket launcher. (You know, this show seems a bit far-fetched when you actually type it up.)
On today's episodes, the terrorists try to release the Nerve Gas in a hospital. CTU (the Counter-Terrorism Unit, of course) manages to get to the Gas in time and thwart the attack. It was actually quite stressful to watch. And the reason is because with most shows, you know they're going to stop the attack. That's what the good guys do. But that's not what 24 does. Sometimes they stop it. Sometimes an entire hotel (with prominent CTU agents inside) gets infected with a Nerve Gas (a la Season 3).
Well, it happened again. First of all, somebody snuck into CTU to plant some Nerve Gas in their headquarters. Oh shit. Being the top-notch investigators that they are, CTU discovers that somebody snuck in. So they hunt him down. Literally. Jack Bauer kills him. Then they discover the nerve gas. But there's only a minute left to disarm it. That ain't gonna happen. So they start evacuating. Surely, they'll get out on time. Um, maybe not.
Now, what makes me a bad person is that the entire time, I'm actually HOPING for the gas to go off. I WANT some of these people to die. Knowing the bomb was planted, I started thinking, "Wouldn't it be cool if Kim dies? Or what about uber-dork Edgar?" I just wanted 24 to continue offing it's stars. Well, they didn't disappoint.
As the stars of the show start heading for the door, the gas starts to disperse. Before you know it, people are dropping dead. One of the computer geeks manages to get all of the stars into a sealed room. But wait, one of them is missing. It's Edgar, the big, fat, lispy computer geek. (Who also played a big, fat, lispy FBI agent on The Sopranos. Read more about him here.) He comes running out of nowhere and sees everyone in the sealed room. He gets that look on his face that says, "Shit, I've just been written out of a steady paycheck. Now I have to be a big, fat, lispy unemployed actor." Everyone watches Edgar's rather unceremonious death. And the 24 clock ticks on silenty to end the show.
BRAVO 24! Great show. And now, two hours after watching it, I think I can finally go to bed. And dream about terrorists releasing some Nerve Gas during my Investment Banking midterm tomorrow. Ah, sweet relief.
Today on Fox, they aired 2 episodes of 24 back-to-back. That's about 1 hour too much. It's taken me the better part of an hour to calm down after what I saw. It's also taken me some time to recover from the realization that I'm one sick bastard. Allow me to explain.
Tonight's episodes featured the triumphant return on Kim Bauer, played by the inimitable Elisha Cuthbert. Hubba hubba. Kim is an idiot. I don't have the patience to list the stupid things she's done on 24. She single-handedly tried to ruin the show. Trust me. Well, now she's back because Jack (her father) has to tell he's still alive. At least, for now. Because at the end of the "day," he's supposed to disappear again. Make sense? Didn't think so.
Anyway, the plot this season revolves around some pissed-off Russian Separist terrorists. (Personally, I think that if terrorists weren't always so pissed-off, the world would be a much better place. But then 24 would suck. I digress.) These terrorists got their hands on some Nerve Gas. Bad stuff. And they want to use it on US citizens because the President of the US didn't follow through on his deal to let the terrorists assassinate the Russian premier, even though they hit his limo with a rocket launcher. (You know, this show seems a bit far-fetched when you actually type it up.)
On today's episodes, the terrorists try to release the Nerve Gas in a hospital. CTU (the Counter-Terrorism Unit, of course) manages to get to the Gas in time and thwart the attack. It was actually quite stressful to watch. And the reason is because with most shows, you know they're going to stop the attack. That's what the good guys do. But that's not what 24 does. Sometimes they stop it. Sometimes an entire hotel (with prominent CTU agents inside) gets infected with a Nerve Gas (a la Season 3).
Well, it happened again. First of all, somebody snuck into CTU to plant some Nerve Gas in their headquarters. Oh shit. Being the top-notch investigators that they are, CTU discovers that somebody snuck in. So they hunt him down. Literally. Jack Bauer kills him. Then they discover the nerve gas. But there's only a minute left to disarm it. That ain't gonna happen. So they start evacuating. Surely, they'll get out on time. Um, maybe not.
Now, what makes me a bad person is that the entire time, I'm actually HOPING for the gas to go off. I WANT some of these people to die. Knowing the bomb was planted, I started thinking, "Wouldn't it be cool if Kim dies? Or what about uber-dork Edgar?" I just wanted 24 to continue offing it's stars. Well, they didn't disappoint.
As the stars of the show start heading for the door, the gas starts to disperse. Before you know it, people are dropping dead. One of the computer geeks manages to get all of the stars into a sealed room. But wait, one of them is missing. It's Edgar, the big, fat, lispy computer geek. (Who also played a big, fat, lispy FBI agent on The Sopranos. Read more about him here.) He comes running out of nowhere and sees everyone in the sealed room. He gets that look on his face that says, "Shit, I've just been written out of a steady paycheck. Now I have to be a big, fat, lispy unemployed actor." Everyone watches Edgar's rather unceremonious death. And the 24 clock ticks on silenty to end the show.
BRAVO 24! Great show. And now, two hours after watching it, I think I can finally go to bed. And dream about terrorists releasing some Nerve Gas during my Investment Banking midterm tomorrow. Ah, sweet relief.
D'oh! They're At It Again!
Less than a day after I say that TV programmers have no idea what the hell they're doing, they make another HUGE mistake. They took The Simpsons off the air! Can you believe it? It's an outrage, I tell ya! No more Simpsons at 5:00. All I have now is 6:00 and 10:00. Plus new episodes every Sunday night. That's not nearly enough! I demand more Simpsons!
I wouldn't be quite so upset about this development were it not for the show they replaced The Simpsons with: Yes Dear. Oh my. I've seen this show before. It's not good. It's really not good. Compared to Yes Dear, anal rape is funny. Yes Dear is some crappy sitcom with two sisters who are completely different. They marry two guys who, shockingly, are also completely different. They have children. They might live together. And hilarity ensues.
I'm very confused about Yes Dear. As far as I can tell, to be syndicated, a show has to be on the air 5 seasons. Until Yes Dear WAS syndicated, I didn't even know it was ON the air. Yet, apparently this show has been in since 2000! It's actually in it's 6th season! Rumor has it that they're actually hoping to get their 6th laugh this year too.
What makes things more perplexing is that WFLD is actually running TWO episodes of Yes Dear every day, back-to-back. Who needs this? Are there actually people out there clamoring for more Yes Dear? And if so, why? Are they not getting enough Becker? Are they upset that Spin City is no longer in syndication? I haven't been this amazed by a show since Urkel ruled the airwaves 10 years ago.
Anyway, if you're like me and you think this decision is idiotic, I invite you to email WFLD and tell them so. Only you can bring back The Simpsons. And only you can bring me one step closer to my dream of a 24x7 Simpsons channel.
I wouldn't be quite so upset about this development were it not for the show they replaced The Simpsons with: Yes Dear. Oh my. I've seen this show before. It's not good. It's really not good. Compared to Yes Dear, anal rape is funny. Yes Dear is some crappy sitcom with two sisters who are completely different. They marry two guys who, shockingly, are also completely different. They have children. They might live together. And hilarity ensues.
I'm very confused about Yes Dear. As far as I can tell, to be syndicated, a show has to be on the air 5 seasons. Until Yes Dear WAS syndicated, I didn't even know it was ON the air. Yet, apparently this show has been in since 2000! It's actually in it's 6th season! Rumor has it that they're actually hoping to get their 6th laugh this year too.
What makes things more perplexing is that WFLD is actually running TWO episodes of Yes Dear every day, back-to-back. Who needs this? Are there actually people out there clamoring for more Yes Dear? And if so, why? Are they not getting enough Becker? Are they upset that Spin City is no longer in syndication? I haven't been this amazed by a show since Urkel ruled the airwaves 10 years ago.
Anyway, if you're like me and you think this decision is idiotic, I invite you to email WFLD and tell them so. Only you can bring back The Simpsons. And only you can bring me one step closer to my dream of a 24x7 Simpsons channel.
Night Moves
For some reason, I've never really thought of listening to Bob Seger. I've heard just about all his songs and I like them. But it never once occurred to me that I might want to actually listen to one of his albums, let alone purchase one. Well, I just got Night Moves, and it's a rather solid album.
In my youth (roughly junior high through high school), I listened to a lot of classic rock. WCKG in Chicago was the classic rock station. Lots of Skynard, Zeppelin, and yes, Bob Seger. (For the record, I've never listened to a Skynard album either, and I really don't much care to either. But that's a discussion for another day.)
Bob Seger has plenty of great songs, like "Rock and Roll Never Forgets," "Night Moves," and "Old Time Rock and Roll," to name just a few. These aren't just good songs, but GREAT ones. And it wasn't until I started looking into Bob Seger that I realized just how many great songs he wrote. He's almost like Kenny Loggins or George Michael that way. Yeah, the general consensus is that they're terrible musicians. But damn, they had some good songs. Hell, if it weren't for Kenny Loggins, Footloose would have just been a stupid movie about dancing. Kenny Loggins made it a stupid movie about dancing with a great title song!
Now, Bob Seger is no Kenny Loggins. Make no mistake about that. (Honestly, who can be favorably compared to Kenny Loggins? Nobody I can think of.) But Night Moves is a pretty good album. And Stranger in Town isn't too shabby either. It holds up pretty well after almost 30 years. Of course, this is coming from a guy who listened to classic rock religiously for 6 years or so and kept wondering why they didn't play new classic rock.
In my youth (roughly junior high through high school), I listened to a lot of classic rock. WCKG in Chicago was the classic rock station. Lots of Skynard, Zeppelin, and yes, Bob Seger. (For the record, I've never listened to a Skynard album either, and I really don't much care to either. But that's a discussion for another day.)
Bob Seger has plenty of great songs, like "Rock and Roll Never Forgets," "Night Moves," and "Old Time Rock and Roll," to name just a few. These aren't just good songs, but GREAT ones. And it wasn't until I started looking into Bob Seger that I realized just how many great songs he wrote. He's almost like Kenny Loggins or George Michael that way. Yeah, the general consensus is that they're terrible musicians. But damn, they had some good songs. Hell, if it weren't for Kenny Loggins, Footloose would have just been a stupid movie about dancing. Kenny Loggins made it a stupid movie about dancing with a great title song!
Now, Bob Seger is no Kenny Loggins. Make no mistake about that. (Honestly, who can be favorably compared to Kenny Loggins? Nobody I can think of.) But Night Moves is a pretty good album. And Stranger in Town isn't too shabby either. It holds up pretty well after almost 30 years. Of course, this is coming from a guy who listened to classic rock religiously for 6 years or so and kept wondering why they didn't play new classic rock.
Oscar Mania
Last night, I watched the Oscars for the first time in 10 years or so. I don't know why I watched it either. Part of me wanted to see how Jon Stewart would do. Part of me wanted to make fun of the various celebrities. Part of me just couldn't find anything better to watch. And this is what I don't understand about TV programmers. Why don't they counter-program any better?
When the winter Olympics were on, Fox ran American Idol against it. CBS had new episodes of Survivor and CSI. I think there might have even been new episodes of Lost and Desperate Housewives on ABC. People want to watch these shows. People don't want to watch the Olympics (well, except for every woman, which I already mentioned).
So, now the Oscars are on. And what does Fox do? They show Bad Boys II. Are you KIDDING me? Who on EARTH wants to watch that? Fox's usual Sunday night shows include The Simpsons, Malcolm in the Middle and Family Guy. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that there's not a whole lot of overlap between Simpsons viewers and Oscar watchers. Why don't producers put on must-see TV shows against these stupid award shows?
There was a similar problem on Super Bowl Sunday. All day, every channel ran "counter-programming." In other words, they had chick-flick marathons. It's like they assumed that every guy was going to watch 10 hours of pre-game coverage. Huh? There's nothing MORE boring than Super Bowl pre-game coverage (with the possible exception of Olympic ski jumping). And yet my only other viewing choices were Hope Floats and How to Make an American Quilt?
I swear, one of these days, I'm going to hijack a TV station and start programming it myself. In other words, it's going to be all Simpsons all the time. And I'll get the highest ratings ever.
When the winter Olympics were on, Fox ran American Idol against it. CBS had new episodes of Survivor and CSI. I think there might have even been new episodes of Lost and Desperate Housewives on ABC. People want to watch these shows. People don't want to watch the Olympics (well, except for every woman, which I already mentioned).
So, now the Oscars are on. And what does Fox do? They show Bad Boys II. Are you KIDDING me? Who on EARTH wants to watch that? Fox's usual Sunday night shows include The Simpsons, Malcolm in the Middle and Family Guy. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that there's not a whole lot of overlap between Simpsons viewers and Oscar watchers. Why don't producers put on must-see TV shows against these stupid award shows?
There was a similar problem on Super Bowl Sunday. All day, every channel ran "counter-programming." In other words, they had chick-flick marathons. It's like they assumed that every guy was going to watch 10 hours of pre-game coverage. Huh? There's nothing MORE boring than Super Bowl pre-game coverage (with the possible exception of Olympic ski jumping). And yet my only other viewing choices were Hope Floats and How to Make an American Quilt?
I swear, one of these days, I'm going to hijack a TV station and start programming it myself. In other words, it's going to be all Simpsons all the time. And I'll get the highest ratings ever.
