Thursday, July 19, 2007
VIP = Very Important Pee-er
The title brings up a good question. What do you call a person who's peeing? A peeer? That looks like a typo. I'm going with Pee-er. Anywho.
As I mentioned earlier, all the big wigs are in the Chicago office today. I just ran into our CEO in the bathroom and had the good fortune to be able to stand next to the man as we both peed. Now, this is the CEO of the company and I'm just a peon. (Not a pee-on, which is the worst job in the world unless you're REALLY disgusting.) What should I say to the man? Uh, thanks for hiring the person who hired the person who hired the person who hired me? Thanks for keeping the ship afloat?
No, I said what I think every person who encounters their CEO should say. I said, "I'm a big fan of your movies, Mr. Clooney." Then I walked away. He's going to be confused about that for a LONG time. Now I just have to hide under my desk until he's gone for the day, lest he find me and fire my ass.
As I mentioned earlier, all the big wigs are in the Chicago office today. I just ran into our CEO in the bathroom and had the good fortune to be able to stand next to the man as we both peed. Now, this is the CEO of the company and I'm just a peon. (Not a pee-on, which is the worst job in the world unless you're REALLY disgusting.) What should I say to the man? Uh, thanks for hiring the person who hired the person who hired the person who hired me? Thanks for keeping the ship afloat?
No, I said what I think every person who encounters their CEO should say. I said, "I'm a big fan of your movies, Mr. Clooney." Then I walked away. He's going to be confused about that for a LONG time. Now I just have to hide under my desk until he's gone for the day, lest he find me and fire my ass.
Boo!
If you really want to give your wife (or husband) a good scare, here's what you do. First, find yourself a spouse with a hearing impairment. Or, marry one without one and give them one. (I suggest giving both ears a good CLAP.) Then have a baby. Then get a baby monitor. Then be a relatively light sleeper. Got it? Okay.
So when the baby wakes up, you wake up too. Go into the baby's room and find the pacifier. Don't actually give the baby the pacifier until you hear your spouse come down the hall. Then give the baby the pacifier and walk in front of your spouse right as she (or he) is entering the room, expecting a baby. You'll scare the crap out of them. Or so I learned the other night. Hee!
So when the baby wakes up, you wake up too. Go into the baby's room and find the pacifier. Don't actually give the baby the pacifier until you hear your spouse come down the hall. Then give the baby the pacifier and walk in front of your spouse right as she (or he) is entering the room, expecting a baby. You'll scare the crap out of them. Or so I learned the other night. Hee!
Arrival of the Big Wigs
I got an email at work yesterday saying that our HR Services board was having a meeting in Chicago today and tomorrow. I don't really know what this "board" does, but I know it involves our CEO, our CFO, and a bunch of other higher-ups.
Today, I went to the bathroom during what must have been one of the board's breaks. A couple of guys came into the bathroom after me, chatting it up. But they were physically all over the place. They're in front of the urinals, in front of the stalls, in front of the sinks, in front of the doors. So when I'm done peeing and I have to wash my hands, I have to sneak around one guy. Then I have to finagle my way around the other to dry my hands. And it's quite a dance to get out the door because they're both trying to leave, but they're too busy talking to actually do so.
Once I get to the hallway, there are more people talking and getting in my way. I just wanted to stop and yell, "Hey, ASSHOLES. Shut up and move it!" Somehow, I don't think that would be very conducive to me keeping my job. Just a guess.
Today, I went to the bathroom during what must have been one of the board's breaks. A couple of guys came into the bathroom after me, chatting it up. But they were physically all over the place. They're in front of the urinals, in front of the stalls, in front of the sinks, in front of the doors. So when I'm done peeing and I have to wash my hands, I have to sneak around one guy. Then I have to finagle my way around the other to dry my hands. And it's quite a dance to get out the door because they're both trying to leave, but they're too busy talking to actually do so.
Once I get to the hallway, there are more people talking and getting in my way. I just wanted to stop and yell, "Hey, ASSHOLES. Shut up and move it!" Somehow, I don't think that would be very conducive to me keeping my job. Just a guess.
