Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Congratulations Scott and Cathy
Over the weekend, I attended the wedding of Scott and Cathy. Scott and I met in kindergarten over 25 years ago. Cathy came along many years later. That said, I still met her before I could legally drive. Unfortunately, I didn’t really get to know her until she started dating Scott. What makes that really odd is that she dated not one, but two of my friends before she started dating Scott.
(That’s just one of many ways that my life is like Beverly Hills 90210. There was much inter-dating amongst my friends. I went to college with all my high school friends. Some of us have drinking problems. We all hate that bitch Shannon Doherty. See, just like 90210.)
I was thinking about writing something about their wedding, but I’ve decided against it. Not that they didn’t have a nice wedding. The location (in St. Charles, IL) was gorgeous. The weather was perfect for an outdoor wedding. But I’ve been to too many weddings the last few years. At this point, if the bride doesn’t vomit on the dance floor while dancing the lambada with the priest, it’s just not worth writing about. In fact, every wedding I’ve been to can basically be described thusly: “They got married, I drank way too much, I almost killed someone while trying to dance, and I think I pissed off The Wife somewhere along the way.” Actually, given that description, this wedding was rather atypical. I didn’t dance, didn’t drink much and managed to avoid pissing off The Wife. That’s what they call a “trifecta.”
Instead of writing about their wedding, I thought I might write a little about Scott and Cathy, two great Americans. If you think sarcasm makes people great. And I do.
In the year 2000 (say it like Conan O’Brien), I moved back from Boston and into an apartment with Scott and another fellow. (I don’t mean to trivialize the other roommate, but this story is about Scott and Cathy. Later, I’ll tell the story of Meadow.) At the time, I was studying for actuarial exams and I’d be out of the apartment a lot. I remember coming home one Saturday after I’d been studying at the DePaul library. When I opened the door to the building, I heard some screaming. As I walked up the stairs to my apartment, I’d hear some more screaming, but punctuated with laughter and an occasional slam. I was not prepared for what I saw when I opened my door.
Scott and Cathy were engaged in an all-out brawl. There were body slams, eye gouges, fish hooks, you name it. But what amazed me most was how funny they thought it was. You couldn’t help but smile and laugh. Especially since it looked like Cathy, who gives up about 75 pounds to Scott, was winning.
Of course, as soon as I got used to coming home to Scott and Cathy duking it out, they pulled a fast one on me. I came home and they were eating a home-cooked gourmet meal by candlelight. (By “gourmet,” I mean that it wasn’t Mac & Cheese or take-out from the Bearded-Lady Pizza Place across the street.)
Anyway, I think it’s that variety that makes Scott and Cathy work so well as a couple. They like to joke around a lot, but they can actually be serious and romantic when they want. (That’s a trait that’s sorely missing with The Wife and me.) They’re as comfortable (and fun to be with) at a Cubs game as they are at a museum. They make a great couple and I wish them nothing but the best in the future. And if you think this is all just a big ploy to get a nice birthday gift from them next year, you know me too well.
By the way, I thought it’d be funny to highlight a couple things I’ve done since Scott and Cathy started dating in early 2000. Since then, I broke up with a long-time girlfriend, moved to Chicago, met The Wife, moved in with The Wife, married The Wife, had a baby, and knocked up The Wife a second time. I’ve also had 5 jobs (soon to be 6), gotten my MBA, and changed careers 3 times. And now six years later, Scott and Cathy are married. God lord, I sure hope their marriage will slow things down for me….
(That’s just one of many ways that my life is like Beverly Hills 90210. There was much inter-dating amongst my friends. I went to college with all my high school friends. Some of us have drinking problems. We all hate that bitch Shannon Doherty. See, just like 90210.)
I was thinking about writing something about their wedding, but I’ve decided against it. Not that they didn’t have a nice wedding. The location (in St. Charles, IL) was gorgeous. The weather was perfect for an outdoor wedding. But I’ve been to too many weddings the last few years. At this point, if the bride doesn’t vomit on the dance floor while dancing the lambada with the priest, it’s just not worth writing about. In fact, every wedding I’ve been to can basically be described thusly: “They got married, I drank way too much, I almost killed someone while trying to dance, and I think I pissed off The Wife somewhere along the way.” Actually, given that description, this wedding was rather atypical. I didn’t dance, didn’t drink much and managed to avoid pissing off The Wife. That’s what they call a “trifecta.”
Instead of writing about their wedding, I thought I might write a little about Scott and Cathy, two great Americans. If you think sarcasm makes people great. And I do.
In the year 2000 (say it like Conan O’Brien), I moved back from Boston and into an apartment with Scott and another fellow. (I don’t mean to trivialize the other roommate, but this story is about Scott and Cathy. Later, I’ll tell the story of Meadow.) At the time, I was studying for actuarial exams and I’d be out of the apartment a lot. I remember coming home one Saturday after I’d been studying at the DePaul library. When I opened the door to the building, I heard some screaming. As I walked up the stairs to my apartment, I’d hear some more screaming, but punctuated with laughter and an occasional slam. I was not prepared for what I saw when I opened my door.
Scott and Cathy were engaged in an all-out brawl. There were body slams, eye gouges, fish hooks, you name it. But what amazed me most was how funny they thought it was. You couldn’t help but smile and laugh. Especially since it looked like Cathy, who gives up about 75 pounds to Scott, was winning.
Of course, as soon as I got used to coming home to Scott and Cathy duking it out, they pulled a fast one on me. I came home and they were eating a home-cooked gourmet meal by candlelight. (By “gourmet,” I mean that it wasn’t Mac & Cheese or take-out from the Bearded-Lady Pizza Place across the street.)
Anyway, I think it’s that variety that makes Scott and Cathy work so well as a couple. They like to joke around a lot, but they can actually be serious and romantic when they want. (That’s a trait that’s sorely missing with The Wife and me.) They’re as comfortable (and fun to be with) at a Cubs game as they are at a museum. They make a great couple and I wish them nothing but the best in the future. And if you think this is all just a big ploy to get a nice birthday gift from them next year, you know me too well.
By the way, I thought it’d be funny to highlight a couple things I’ve done since Scott and Cathy started dating in early 2000. Since then, I broke up with a long-time girlfriend, moved to Chicago, met The Wife, moved in with The Wife, married The Wife, had a baby, and knocked up The Wife a second time. I’ve also had 5 jobs (soon to be 6), gotten my MBA, and changed careers 3 times. And now six years later, Scott and Cathy are married. God lord, I sure hope their marriage will slow things down for me….
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Movie Idea
I had a weird dream last night. I don’t like sharing dream stories because they’re incredibly stupid. The only thing worse than sharing a dream story is hearing someone else’s disjointed account of their own dreams. I get it, the cat was trying to eat your head and the cat turned into a ’57 Chevy. It’s riveting. Anyway.
Last night, I had a dream where I was being attacked by a midget. I tried to kill this evil midget with (naturally) a sawed-off shotgun. Every time I shot him in the face, his face would get all black and nothing would happen to him. He just kept coming after me! I jolted awake and was unable to fall back asleep right away. This dream had just inspired the best movie idea ever!
I’m a little too involved in a website where you “invest” in movies. One of the movies that has a lot of rumors about it right now is T4, the fourth Terminator movie. Well, my idea is that instead of doing T4, they should do T/2. The hero of the movie (John Connor? Sarah Connor? The T1000?) can be tracked by a midget robot. Honestly, who would suspect a midget of being a robotic killer? (Other than me, now that I’ve had this horrible dream.) We could even get Mickey from Seinfeld to play the role of the Terminator. I smell box office gold….
Last night, I had a dream where I was being attacked by a midget. I tried to kill this evil midget with (naturally) a sawed-off shotgun. Every time I shot him in the face, his face would get all black and nothing would happen to him. He just kept coming after me! I jolted awake and was unable to fall back asleep right away. This dream had just inspired the best movie idea ever!
I’m a little too involved in a website where you “invest” in movies. One of the movies that has a lot of rumors about it right now is T4, the fourth Terminator movie. Well, my idea is that instead of doing T4, they should do T/2. The hero of the movie (John Connor? Sarah Connor? The T1000?) can be tracked by a midget robot. Honestly, who would suspect a midget of being a robotic killer? (Other than me, now that I’ve had this horrible dream.) We could even get Mickey from Seinfeld to play the role of the Terminator. I smell box office gold….
Monday, September 18, 2006
My Last Week at LAF
Things are finally starting to wrap up here at LAF. I was way too busy last week. I thought that after I handed in my resignation, they’d stop making me work. Boy, was I mistaken. They figured they had me for two more weeks, so they might as well load me up with work.
It was so bad last week that I actually had an Office Space type of moment. I was all set to leave at 5:00. I was all done with my work, so at 4:56, I decided to start shutting down my computer. That’s when I saw a guy I’m currently working on a project with (let’s call him Jim) approaching my cube. He asked me to print off a couple things so he could talk to the partner on the project, Bill.
Apparently, printing everything wasn’t enough. Instead, I got roped into a meeting until 6:00. Did I mention that it was Friday night?
To make matters worse, they kept trying to “teach” me things in this meeting. For example, they’re telling me the difference between a SAS57 and a SAS73 review. Um, who CARES? I’m going into a completely different line of business in exactly one week. Do you think I care what the difference is between these two pointless reviews are? Just tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it as quickly as I can so we can all get out of here.
In other developments, Wang came to talk to me about a project we worked on awhile ago. We charged $40K for it. Our actual costs? Oh, about $160K. So Wang is trying to get me to change some of the time I billed on the project from actual work to “training.” If I were staying here, I would have been a bit upset, as that would have affected my year-end review. But since I’m leaving, I was more than happy to accommodate them. Hell, they can zero out all my hours if they want. It doesn’t change the fact that the project was unprofitable. But at least now it looks good. And that way next year, they can do the same project for the same price and lose the same amount of money. And that, my friends, is how good businesses are run.
It was so bad last week that I actually had an Office Space type of moment. I was all set to leave at 5:00. I was all done with my work, so at 4:56, I decided to start shutting down my computer. That’s when I saw a guy I’m currently working on a project with (let’s call him Jim) approaching my cube. He asked me to print off a couple things so he could talk to the partner on the project, Bill.
Apparently, printing everything wasn’t enough. Instead, I got roped into a meeting until 6:00. Did I mention that it was Friday night?
To make matters worse, they kept trying to “teach” me things in this meeting. For example, they’re telling me the difference between a SAS57 and a SAS73 review. Um, who CARES? I’m going into a completely different line of business in exactly one week. Do you think I care what the difference is between these two pointless reviews are? Just tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it as quickly as I can so we can all get out of here.
In other developments, Wang came to talk to me about a project we worked on awhile ago. We charged $40K for it. Our actual costs? Oh, about $160K. So Wang is trying to get me to change some of the time I billed on the project from actual work to “training.” If I were staying here, I would have been a bit upset, as that would have affected my year-end review. But since I’m leaving, I was more than happy to accommodate them. Hell, they can zero out all my hours if they want. It doesn’t change the fact that the project was unprofitable. But at least now it looks good. And that way next year, they can do the same project for the same price and lose the same amount of money. And that, my friends, is how good businesses are run.
