The Dow Is Up!

As I've detailed recently, I've been putting together a playlist of the Top 100 songs for every year of the decade. It's been quite painful. Most of the music is just terrible, which might explain why I don't listen to the radio anymore. It's more enjoyable to hear my cat's wailing in the middle of the night. (I have no idea what they're wailing about either. They're just weird. They are, after all, cats.)

So instead of scrapping the project like any non-self-loathing person would, I forged ahead. And the worst part? Right now I'm working on 2005. I started at song #1 and worked my way to song #100. What's so bad about that, you ask? Well, the songs are ranked on their popularity. So as I get further and further along, the songs get worse and worse. In fact, in the upper 70's, country songs start to first appear. And that's never a good sign. It's like someone's beating you over the head with a baseball bat. Then they switch to using a lead pipe. They're completely different, but they have the same result. And they both suck.

So imagine how pleased I was when I finished listening to song 100 from 2005 and popped in a little Danzig. Danzig is a classic heavy metal band with a few great songs. (If you don't like "Twist of Cain," you're just not American. Go back to Canada, you hoser.) It was like a breath of fresh air. I felt like Beavis and Butthead when they're stuck on a bad video and can't find the remote. Then they find it and turn on, well, Danzig. There's a reason I like Beavis and Butthead....

After being thoroughly depressed and demotivated by Tori Amos, I popped in my newly-acquired Bruce Springsteen Live 1975-1985 box set. I forgot how great this album is! It's rock and roll as it's meant to be played, and it's live music as it's meant to performed. Now I'm totally motivated. (Between emails to The Wife and blog posts, I really haven't done anything "productive" today. So much for being busy, huh?)

What I like about Bruce Springsteen is how great he is live compared to on-tape. I generally don't like live performances because they're sloppy and sub-par to the originals. There are a few instances, though, where I much prefer the live version. Bruce is one. Another is Johnny Cash, which I mentioned before. Husker Du is easily at the top of my list, though.

For those who don't know, Husker Du (I'm not including the umlauts over the u's because I don't know how) was a seminal punk rock band in the 80's. Chances are, you've never heard of them, but they were a BIG influence on the Pixies, who later were a HUGE influence on Nirvana. One of Husker Du's frontmen, Bob Mould, later formed Sugar, another one of my favorite bands. That's actually how I got interested in Husker Du.

So I eventually decided to buy a Husker Du album in college. It sucked. I mean, it was complete crap. For years, I didn't really understand why people liked this band. Then they released a live album, The Living End, (long after they broke up). For some reason, I decided to buy it. Then I began to understand why people like Husker Du so much.

There's really no comparing them live and on-tape. For one thing, the recordings are of piss-poor quality. It sounds like the producer asked Husker Du to perform inside a tin cup. The other problem is that Husker Du actually wrote the songs to be performed live. They would experiment with them at concerts. And once they'd achieved the right sound, they'd record them. Only the recording couldn't possibly capture the adrenaline and emotion of the live show. Thus, the recordings sucked.

I really can't think of any other artists where I prefer the live version. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE going to concerts, but that's more about being in the crowd and feeling the music. I have no desire to listen to their live recordings. But for Bruce, Cash, and Husker Du, please just give me the live versions and toss the studio crap.

Today I was listening to some Tori Amos and it reminded me of a story that I'd like to share. I don't know why I was listening to Tori Amos. I vaguely remembered that she had some "hit" songs in the 90's. So I thought I might enjoy listening to her. I was way wrong. Yes, there are a few songs I recognize, some of which aren't bad. But overall? Suck city. It's basically just Tori and a piano. That would work if your name was Frank Sinatra or Dean Martin (and to a lesser extent Harry Connick Jr.). But if your name is Tori Amos? You might want to add some percussion. And maybe a different singer. In fact, all Tori should be doing is shaking a tambourine in the background while Lemme (from Motorhead) cranks out a rockin' tune.

I'm not a big fan of piano-based music. Billy Joel's good and so is Ben Folds. Jerry Lee Lewis rocks, but he was crazy. I like crazy. (Which should surprise nobody who knows The Wife. Hey-o!) Anyway, bad piano music brings me to my story.

Years ago, The Wife and I decided to go skiing in Western Michigan. We met up with a bunch of her friends from college that night and went drinking. They wanted to go to a piano bar, and I didn't object. In case you've never been to a piano bar, let me explain the set-up. There are two pianos with two dualing pianists. Pianist #1 starts playing (and singing, as the case may be). If you have a request, you go up to Pianist #2 and give him money. Then he cuts off Pianist #1 and plays your song. Until someone pays off Pianist #1 to cut off your song. And so the evening goes all night. You pay, they play.

Most of the night was spent with morons paying the Pianists to play either the Michigan, Michigan State, or Ohio State fight songs. (It was 2 of the 3. I honestly don't remember which, nor do I care.) I got drunk (shocker!) and decided to create my own fun. So I started heckling the pianists the only way I knew how. I'd shout at the top of my lungs (during the quiet parts, of course) for songs. Any song would do, but I stuck to my favorites: "Rock Lobster," "Black Betty," and "Blinded by the Light."

What made this so fun for me is that it worked on multiple levels. On the surface, I annoyed the pianists by requesting lame songs. What I didn't intend (but thoroughly enjoyed) was that it annoyed EVERYONE ELSE at the bar. I had people coming up to me all night explaining that I had to pay the Pianists money to get my songs played. Then I got to explain to them that I didn't want my songs played. This only confused them further. Which led to me requesting even MORE songs.

It really should be illegal for someone like me to have so much fun simply by yelling song titles. But I honestly don't know if it gets any better than annoying a bar full of strangers and then confusing the poor souls who think I don't understand what I'm doing. It was hard to keep from giggling like a schoolgirl all night.

Well I now have less than 2 weeks until I'm officially done with grad school. And of course, I have a ton to do in that time. So my blogging might dry up a bit for the next week. The good news, though, is that I'm really enjoying the school work I'm doing right now.

For example, I'm working on an emerging markets fund for my Portfolio Management class. We've been investing in Latin America for the past 5 weeks. So far, our fund has returned about 7.5%. In just over a month! That's awesome. The bad part about this, though, is that now I think I know how to invest. So as soon as I have money (which should be in about 10-15 years), I'm going to feel like I know what I'm doing. And then I'm going to get killed. Yay!

By the way, if you're looking for Latin American Stocks to invest in, consider the following (listed by NYSE ticker symbol:

1. RIO (Brazil materials) - they do mining
2. PBR (Brazil energy) - they're Brazil's huge oil company
3. CX (Mexico materials) - they're a huge cement company in the US and Mexico
4. ABV (Brazil consumer staples) - they're a beer/soda manufacturer

They're all up over 10% in the last 5 weeks and their future outlook is even rosier.

Earlier this semester, I've commented on Mrs. David Brent. She's actually made three separate postings. This woman is a complete ninny. I have the fortune of having her in my Portfolio Management class. It's a great class. We're basically picking stocks in three emerging markets (China, India, and Latin America -- remember that, it'll come in handy later). In two weeks, we're giving a presentation to our school's foundation (which manages an endowment of over $1 billion) as well as various fund managers in Chicago to recommend our portfolio.

This presentation is a really big deal. How big, you ask? Well, among the people who will be in attendance are: Jim Oberweis (yes, the guy who owns the Oberweis dairy and ran for governor), various company presidents (none of which you'd probably know), the dean of the school, the head of the finance department, and various professors. There are going to be some real higher-ups and this presentation is about more than just a grade. It's about making an impression on people you'd like to work for (and get investment money from).

Today in class, we went over the presentation in some detail. We organized the presentation and picked speakers. (Shockingly, they wanted me to speak. Really? The one guy who's always talking, is very opinionated about the project, and doesn't mind speaking in front of large groups? You want him to speak?) As we were going over the presentation, Mrs. David Brent suggested that we need some way to kick things off, you know, an energizer. (By the way, that's my sister's word. I learned it yesterday. She does presentations for a living and apparently has hundreds of energizers at the ready. They mostly consist of video clips of monkeys drinking their own pee. I didn't say she was a good presenter. God, I'm going to get a lot of heat for that. If only there were a delete key....) So, Mrs. David Brent suggested that I kick off the whole presentation by telling a joke. Naturally, I suggested, "A Chinese man, an Indian man, and a Latin American man walk into a bar...."

The whole class basically thought Mrs. David Brent was an idiot. A few of them literally told her so. One of the kids who had to deal with her last semester said, "I don't mean to be cruel, but that's the stupidest thing I ever heard." They went on to say how professional the whole thing was supposed to be and that these people will be paying attention because they want to be there and want to pay attention. After about 5 minutes of badgering and belittling, Mrs. David Brent conceded defeat. And the funny thing? I used to think that comparing Mrs. David Brent to the actual David Brent (the manager from the BBC version of The Office who always tried to make work "fun" by telling jokes) was a little off-base. Now I know it's spot on. I think Mrs. David Brent is doomed to work at a paper company in England. Which I'm all for, if it means I never have to deal with her boobery again.