The Dow Is Up!

The Wife and I sat down and watched CSI last week and couldn't stop talking about it. The problem is that we couldn't stop talking about how stupid and unbelievable it was. It's ridiculous episodes like this that cause shows to jump the shark, and I believe that CSI has finally done that.

Here was the basic plot of the show. Girl in high school gets killed. One of two people did it. Either a teenage boy, who I think was a senior in high school, did it. Or his 12-year-old half-sister, also a senior in high school, did it. Oh, and the boy already confessed to it.

The show starts out with stupidity. The boy confessed to the killing. He keeps maintaining that he did it. Yet, for some reason, there's a trial. I'm so confused. Are they trying to prove he DIDN'T do it? What's the point of the trial. I just don't get it. He wasn't claiming he was insane. He just said he did it. And they had rock-solid proof that he did. Why go through the time and expense of a trial. Stupid.

Then, his sister testifies at the trial and reveals that SHE killed the girl. And she's reveals that she's wearing the bloody shirt used in the murder. Oh no! (Now we're heading further down the slippery slope of stupidity. Actually, that's not a bad band name. Hard to pronounce though. Never mind.)

The CSI people go talk to the parents of the girl. They're fawning all over her and how smart she is. They then go on to say how stupid their son is and that they're only half-siblings. Yeah, I'm sure parents do that all the time. (This turns out to be a "crucial" plot point, but it's totally unbelievable. I'm sure it actually happens like that in some families, but they're not going to tell the POLICE that.)

I have some problems with this episode in general because of the stupidity of putting a 12-year-old in high school. Supposedly, this girl has a 177 IQ. Okay, fine. I don't care. No matter how smart my kids are, I would NEVER advance them even one grade, let alone 5. I've known two people who skipped grades. Both of them are maladjusted and socially retarded. And this is coming from one of the most socially retarded people in the world. Compared to them, I'm the Great Gatsby.

Here's the problem with skipping grades. You'd better hope that (a) your kid is wicked smart, (b) has a great sense of humor, (c) never wants to get laid, and (d) never wants to compete in sports. Why? Because the kid is going to be the smallest, slowest, dorkiest kid in class. Now, there's a chance that the kid will be tall for his age. That's quite possible. But you don't know that in first grade.

The other problem is that your kid will always be the last one to do something. He'll be the last one to get his driving license. He'll be the last one to be able to drink. So, every time people want to do something, your child becomes the burden for the rest of the group. I distinctly remember being down at U of I (Illinois, in case there are any Iowans reading this) one year for New Year's Eve. One of the women there had skipped a grade and was the youngest of the group. She couldn't get into the bars because she hadn't turned 19 yet. So now it's New Year's Eve. All her friends can party their asses off and she can't. Do you think she was upset? Hell yeah? Do you think people went back with her to the apartment? Hell no. (Actually, some losers did, but I wasn't one of them. I'm a callous bastard and I like to drink. Sue me.)

All this aggravation for what? So your child can be a little more challenged in school? Whatever. If you're so worried about that, teach them at home. It becomes YOUR job as a parent to educate your kid and keep them occupied. Quit putting everything on the school system.

Another problem with this episode of CSI is that the parents let the 12-year-old girl go to prom. Here's this girl who has NO friends in the school. In fact, she just finished explaining how everyone hates her. But the parents let her go to prom. With no date. Are the parents actually encouraging a socially awkward situation? And why would this genius child want to do this? Surprisingly, there's a Carrie-esque situation at the prom and the girl is made to look like a fool.

The whole episode was just dumb. I must say, though, that I'm glad I watched it with The Wife. Bad shows are just so much more enjoyable when you have someone sitting next to you that you can share you rants with.