Thursday, December 21, 2006
Training Update
194. That’s what my weight was this morning. That’s a loss of six pounds already. Of course, that’s assuming that my starting weight was 200 pounds, which might be a bit high. However, I figured that I might as well round my weight to a nice even number. This does two things. First, it makes weight loss calculations easier. Second, it makes weight loss calculations more impressive. Honestly, would you be more impressed if I said I lost 6 pounds or 1.7 pounds? My point exactly.
I was thinking about listing my starting weight as 250 or 300 pounds. After all, if I’m fibbing on my starting weight, why not make it a fantastic fib? If you think losing 6 pounds is impressive, how about 106? Then I started getting worried. What if the weight loss goes well? What if I do well in the triathlon? What if I get a book deal? What if I write a great book? What if I get on Oprah and talk about it? And then what happens if I’m proved to be a fraud, like James Frey? Frankly, I couldn’t handle being berated by Oprah after she discovered that I lost only 30 pounds instead of 130. And if that whole scenario seems a little unlikely, don’t worry. So does the prospect of me sticking to this workout regimen until the triathlon in August.
So far, things are going great. I’ve been waking up early and going to the gym to lift weights. My body has gotten a little flabby (to put it mildly) and I figured I might as well build up some muscles before I start trying to swim. My rationale being that without muscles, I won’t be able to swim at all. On the other hand, if I lose some of the fat, I won’t be able to float and I just might drown. I don’t suppose the triathlon is going to be in 3 feet of water, is it?
The funny thing about lifting weights now is that I’m doing it a lot differently than I ever did before. I used to lift weights to get stronger, to build muscles. Now I’m trying to lose weight. And I have no desire to be any stronger. Honestly, what am I going to do with bigger muscles? Type on my keyboard harder? So, I’m trying to do aerobic lifting, which basically means low weights and high reps. It’s pretty damn exhausting, to be honest with you. And I feel like such a wimp at the gym. Guys are bench pressing 250 pounds, and I’m doing 95.
At night, I’ve been using our brand new elliptical machine. It’s not the best machine in the world, but that’s okay. It gets my heart rate up, which is my only goal. The problem is that with Luke being a little finicky about going to bed (to put it mildly), it’s hard to find time to work out at night. And if Luke’s not sleeping well at night, it’s hard to convince myself to wake up an hour early to go to the gym. But I’m going to try as hard as I can until March 1, when Evangeline is due. I figure that’s really going to put a damper in my workout schedule, and it’ll probably ultimately be what derails my triathlon plans. And yes, I plan to hold it over her head for the rest of her life. That’s one of the few benefits of being a parent.
I was thinking about listing my starting weight as 250 or 300 pounds. After all, if I’m fibbing on my starting weight, why not make it a fantastic fib? If you think losing 6 pounds is impressive, how about 106? Then I started getting worried. What if the weight loss goes well? What if I do well in the triathlon? What if I get a book deal? What if I write a great book? What if I get on Oprah and talk about it? And then what happens if I’m proved to be a fraud, like James Frey? Frankly, I couldn’t handle being berated by Oprah after she discovered that I lost only 30 pounds instead of 130. And if that whole scenario seems a little unlikely, don’t worry. So does the prospect of me sticking to this workout regimen until the triathlon in August.
So far, things are going great. I’ve been waking up early and going to the gym to lift weights. My body has gotten a little flabby (to put it mildly) and I figured I might as well build up some muscles before I start trying to swim. My rationale being that without muscles, I won’t be able to swim at all. On the other hand, if I lose some of the fat, I won’t be able to float and I just might drown. I don’t suppose the triathlon is going to be in 3 feet of water, is it?
The funny thing about lifting weights now is that I’m doing it a lot differently than I ever did before. I used to lift weights to get stronger, to build muscles. Now I’m trying to lose weight. And I have no desire to be any stronger. Honestly, what am I going to do with bigger muscles? Type on my keyboard harder? So, I’m trying to do aerobic lifting, which basically means low weights and high reps. It’s pretty damn exhausting, to be honest with you. And I feel like such a wimp at the gym. Guys are bench pressing 250 pounds, and I’m doing 95.
At night, I’ve been using our brand new elliptical machine. It’s not the best machine in the world, but that’s okay. It gets my heart rate up, which is my only goal. The problem is that with Luke being a little finicky about going to bed (to put it mildly), it’s hard to find time to work out at night. And if Luke’s not sleeping well at night, it’s hard to convince myself to wake up an hour early to go to the gym. But I’m going to try as hard as I can until March 1, when Evangeline is due. I figure that’s really going to put a damper in my workout schedule, and it’ll probably ultimately be what derails my triathlon plans. And yes, I plan to hold it over her head for the rest of her life. That’s one of the few benefits of being a parent.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Constance on the Make
There’s this woman here at work that I’m going to call Constance. I’m assigning her a name because, honestly, I don’t know what her actual name is. But I choose that particular name because she speaks likes she’s an uptight, “sophisticated” broad that comes from money. In fact, she sounds exactly like Constance Fry from Trading Places. In case you don’t remember Constance Fry (and how could you not?), she’s one Dan Akroyd’s rich friends at the tennis club, and she uttered the immortal line “and she stepped on the ball.”
(“Constance Fry
Constance Fry
Any time at all
Constance will fill all your needs
Summer, spring or fall”)
Anyway, so Constance here at work is always impeccably dressed. Probably a little over-dressed. But she’s clearly not a woman who shops at Wal-Mart. And so I was a little surprised today when I saw her with a bandana tied around her head. She looked like a cancer patient. Or Hulk Hogan once he started going bald. Or like she was about to get on her Harley. Of course, her bandana was actually a very ornate (and expensive, no doubt) scarf. Still, it looked rather out of character.
(“Constance Fry
Constance Fry
Any time at all
Constance will fill all your needs
Summer, spring or fall”)
Anyway, so Constance here at work is always impeccably dressed. Probably a little over-dressed. But she’s clearly not a woman who shops at Wal-Mart. And so I was a little surprised today when I saw her with a bandana tied around her head. She looked like a cancer patient. Or Hulk Hogan once he started going bald. Or like she was about to get on her Harley. Of course, her bandana was actually a very ornate (and expensive, no doubt) scarf. Still, it looked rather out of character.
Sleeping is Underrated
It looks like the due date for Evangeline (nee C2) has been moved up. Apparently, Evangeline is growing like Luke did. Since The Wife just about exploded delivering Luke (who weighed 9 pounds 8 ounces), they want to avoid killing her this time around. So they’re talking about inducing a week early, on March 1.
I was so unprepared when Luke was born. I really had no idea what to expect besides plenty of sleepless nights. Nobody told me that the sleepless nights would continue for 2 years. Luke is just the worst sleeper in the world. He frequently wakes up in the middle of the night screaming. And when he does, the only thing that consoles him is either (a) sleeping with him in his car bed or (b) having him sleep with us in our bed. Neither solution is ideal because Luke is a bit of a bed hog. It’s hard to believe that about someone who’s all of 2.5 feet and 28 pounds.
The problem is that he moves around a lot. And he likes to make sure that you’re there in bed with him without opening his eyes. So, you’ll doze off for a second and then get punched in the face by a tiny fist. Just Luke checking to make sure you didn’t desert him. Or it’s just Luke getting even for not letting him eat that shiny quarter two days ago. Man, that kid has an incredible memory. Which I’m sure most non-parents would think is cool. But really, it’s not. He remembers where you put the cookies the day before. He remembers how to get onto the kitchen counter. Hell, he even remembers that you told him NOT to get on the counters. (He just doesn’t CARE.)
Anyway, in one way, I’m a lot more prepared for Evangeline. I’m used to not getting sleep. Of course, knowing children the way I do, I expect Luke and Evangeline to be on completely different sleep schedules. Moreover, I expect Evangeline to start crying at 2:00 a.m. and wake up Luke. That way, while The Wife is feeding Evangeline, I can try to convince Luke that we should be sleeping instead of watching Dora.
(By the way, many big “thanks” go out to Luke’s cousins, who taught him how to slide down the stairs on his belly REALLY fast. Now when Luke doesn’t want to sleep anymore, he heads to the stairs and BAM, he’s down them. In less than a second, you realize that you’re not going back to sleep any time soon.)
In every other way, though, I’m not prepared at all for Evangeline. I’ve forgotten how to deal with babies. I think they’re pretty easy. You just kind of throw them in a corner and they don’t move. That worked great with Luke. You just put him on his play mat and he was fine for hours. The same COULD work for Evangeline. But it won’t because now we have Luke to contend with. He’ll probably be great with her. But he might also decide that she needs to play with his choo choos. Or that the play mat is HIS. We’ve gone from a static environment when Luke was a baby to a rather dynamic one. I don’t know if this is good or not.
What I’m really hoping for, though, is that the baby will tire Luke out. Maybe being woken up a lot in the middle of the night will make him more willing to go to bed. Maybe playing with Evangeline (even while she’s a relatively inanimate object) will tire him out more. Maybe Luke will just go through a growth spurt and sleep 15 hours a day. But more likely, I’ll just have to get used to not getting any sleep.
I was so unprepared when Luke was born. I really had no idea what to expect besides plenty of sleepless nights. Nobody told me that the sleepless nights would continue for 2 years. Luke is just the worst sleeper in the world. He frequently wakes up in the middle of the night screaming. And when he does, the only thing that consoles him is either (a) sleeping with him in his car bed or (b) having him sleep with us in our bed. Neither solution is ideal because Luke is a bit of a bed hog. It’s hard to believe that about someone who’s all of 2.5 feet and 28 pounds.
The problem is that he moves around a lot. And he likes to make sure that you’re there in bed with him without opening his eyes. So, you’ll doze off for a second and then get punched in the face by a tiny fist. Just Luke checking to make sure you didn’t desert him. Or it’s just Luke getting even for not letting him eat that shiny quarter two days ago. Man, that kid has an incredible memory. Which I’m sure most non-parents would think is cool. But really, it’s not. He remembers where you put the cookies the day before. He remembers how to get onto the kitchen counter. Hell, he even remembers that you told him NOT to get on the counters. (He just doesn’t CARE.)
Anyway, in one way, I’m a lot more prepared for Evangeline. I’m used to not getting sleep. Of course, knowing children the way I do, I expect Luke and Evangeline to be on completely different sleep schedules. Moreover, I expect Evangeline to start crying at 2:00 a.m. and wake up Luke. That way, while The Wife is feeding Evangeline, I can try to convince Luke that we should be sleeping instead of watching Dora.
(By the way, many big “thanks” go out to Luke’s cousins, who taught him how to slide down the stairs on his belly REALLY fast. Now when Luke doesn’t want to sleep anymore, he heads to the stairs and BAM, he’s down them. In less than a second, you realize that you’re not going back to sleep any time soon.)
In every other way, though, I’m not prepared at all for Evangeline. I’ve forgotten how to deal with babies. I think they’re pretty easy. You just kind of throw them in a corner and they don’t move. That worked great with Luke. You just put him on his play mat and he was fine for hours. The same COULD work for Evangeline. But it won’t because now we have Luke to contend with. He’ll probably be great with her. But he might also decide that she needs to play with his choo choos. Or that the play mat is HIS. We’ve gone from a static environment when Luke was a baby to a rather dynamic one. I don’t know if this is good or not.
What I’m really hoping for, though, is that the baby will tire Luke out. Maybe being woken up a lot in the middle of the night will make him more willing to go to bed. Maybe playing with Evangeline (even while she’s a relatively inanimate object) will tire him out more. Maybe Luke will just go through a growth spurt and sleep 15 hours a day. But more likely, I’ll just have to get used to not getting any sleep.
Christmas Excitement
I’m not often shocked by things I see in Chicago. I’ve only been working downtown for 6 months, but I’ve seen a lot of weird things. I’ve seen homeless women flash their boobs at me. I’ve seen people get hit by cars. I’ve seen cars get hit by people. I’ve randomly run into friends and enemies alike. (Yes, it’s sad to say, but I really do have enemies. Newman to my Seinfeld, if you will. Or more realistically, Fargas to my Kramer. And if you get THAT reference, you really need to stop watching Seinfeld reruns.) But I was not prepared for what I saw this morning.
I work in a high rise. Getting into our building is a bit of a pain in the butt. We have to use our ID cards to get through a turnstile. Then we have to put our bags through an x-ray machine. Then we have to walk through a metal detector. This presents all sorts of problems that I won’t get into now. Let’s just say it’s not the ideal way to start the morning.
Anyway, after going through security this morning, I turned the corner to head to my elevator. And that’s when I saw her: a harpist. There she was with a huge harp. (Are there small ones? I don’t think they’re called “harps” if they are. Probably “lyres.” Yes, I do too many crosswords.) She was playing Christmas music, which I suppose makes sense. Still, I was shocked.
And that got me thinking. Today is December 20th. (Happy Birthday to my sister, by the way. And about 10 other people I know who all have birthdays within a week of my sister. These people really wanted to be born before Christmas.) Anyway, if Christmas is still 5 days away (3 work days), what can I expect in the lobby of my building tomorrow morning? It’d be a bit lame to have the harpist there again. Might it be a 3-piece orchestra? A barbershop quartet? A full choir? Will it get progressively better each day? Or was today just a one-time only event? Honestly, I’m expecting actors to come in Friday morning to portray a “living” manger. I’d be lying if I said I weren’t extremely excited to be coming to work every day this week.
I work in a high rise. Getting into our building is a bit of a pain in the butt. We have to use our ID cards to get through a turnstile. Then we have to put our bags through an x-ray machine. Then we have to walk through a metal detector. This presents all sorts of problems that I won’t get into now. Let’s just say it’s not the ideal way to start the morning.
Anyway, after going through security this morning, I turned the corner to head to my elevator. And that’s when I saw her: a harpist. There she was with a huge harp. (Are there small ones? I don’t think they’re called “harps” if they are. Probably “lyres.” Yes, I do too many crosswords.) She was playing Christmas music, which I suppose makes sense. Still, I was shocked.
And that got me thinking. Today is December 20th. (Happy Birthday to my sister, by the way. And about 10 other people I know who all have birthdays within a week of my sister. These people really wanted to be born before Christmas.) Anyway, if Christmas is still 5 days away (3 work days), what can I expect in the lobby of my building tomorrow morning? It’d be a bit lame to have the harpist there again. Might it be a 3-piece orchestra? A barbershop quartet? A full choir? Will it get progressively better each day? Or was today just a one-time only event? Honestly, I’m expecting actors to come in Friday morning to portray a “living” manger. I’d be lying if I said I weren’t extremely excited to be coming to work every day this week.
