The Dow Is Up!

I'm going through a bit of a dilemma here. My general theory on whether or not I should like a band is whether the general populace, whom I'll call "Joe Everyman", likes it. If Joe Everyman does like it, then I don't. For example, Joe Everyman likes Britney Spears. Me? As long as she's wearing clothes, I have no interest in Britney.

This presents me with a few dilemmas. One of them is on my turntable as I right this, the Killers. I got their debut album, Hot Fuss, awhile ago. I gave it a few listens and it was okay, but nothing great. Then I saw that they were going to be on Saturday Night Live. That was enough to make me think they hit the mainstream. Thus, therefore, (three dots), I could not like them. But after listening to the album a few more times recently, I realize they're not that terrible. (If that isn't a ringing endorsement, I don't know what is.)

I think this all started in high school when I started listening to Pearl Jam. Believe it or not, they actually used to be a relatively unknown band. I loved Ten and started listening to the tape in my mom's beat-up old station wagon. I was the very epitome of "alternative." As it happened, I was dating a girl who listened to crap music. (That seems to be a running theme throughout my life, actually.) So, I turned her on to Pearl Jam. Within weeks, she was wearing Pearl Jam shirts to school. Ick. That alone put me off of Pearl Jam for about 5 years.

Another dilemma I have is with bands that I love that aren't very popular, like Sleater-Kinney. They're a punk-rock girl-band out of Seattle who flat-out rock the house. They rock so much that they don't even need a bass guitar. But the lead singer's voice can be a bit, um, annoying, to put it nicely.

This brings me to my dilemma. I love their music so much, I feel compelled to tell other people about them. But if word spreads and my ex-girlfriends start wearing S-K shirts to high school, I'll have to stop listening to them. So what do I do? I know. I think I'll start a blog that nobody reads. Then I can proselytize all about bands like Sleater-Kinney or Journey and not worry about anybody finding out.

Currently, we have Luke in daycare two days a week. This generally corresponds to my school schedule. But since I'm not in school right now, it means I get some time alone in the house. Generally, this time is used to do home improvements, but not this week. This week, it's being spent resting and recovering from a cold.

One of the benefits of daycare is that Luke is exposed to all kinds of germs. This is really boosting his immune system. In fact, he's rarely been sick at all. The bad part of this? He gives us whatever colds he's now immune to. So for the past few days, I've been struggling to stay awake (more so than usual, anyway) and blowing my nose a lot. It's not enough to incapacitate me. It's just enough to make me want to watch bad soaps and eat pizza all day. Or perhaps I'm getting a little too comfortable being Mr. Mom, which is much easier when you don't have any of those rotten kids hanging around the house interrupting your soaps.

Winter break is almost over, which means that TV is finally coming out of reruns. And I couldn't care less. Because the best 2 shows on TV right now have been in hiatus for over 6 months. But they're both coming back in January and I couldn't be more excited.

24 is probably my second favorite show on TV. It's just an amazing adrenaline rush every week. I've been watching reruns of the first 4 seasons on A&E for the last few months. I forget how great that show was, even from the beginning. What makes the show great is that it throws out all the "rules."

One of the rules is that main characters can't die. In the second season, Sara Gilbert (from Roseanne fame) was an obnoxious computer programmer. (Yeah, is there any other type?) She dies about 6 episodes in. In the first season, the bad guy died halfway through the season. And then you find out there's another bad guy who's even worse.

24 also lets bad things happen. In most cop shows, if there's a nuclear threat, you know they're going to stop it in time. The "drama" is how they're going to stop it. Well, in 24, they don't always stop it. In season 3, a deadly toxin is released in a hotel and gets out to the general populace. (Of course, they let you think that they're thisclose to stopping it before it literally blows up in their face.) Then, they have Jack Bauer (the second best cop on TV, played by Keifer Sutherland) execute one of his co-workers simply because the bad guy asked the President to make it so. I know it sounds ridiculous, but at the time, it seems plausible.

24 is amazing to me because I swear that when the show's over, I have to take about an hour to calm down. My adrenaline is just rushing too much. Of course, it does have its drawbacks. My favorite is Jack's interrogation techniques. "Tell me where the bomb is. Tell me where the bomb is! TELL ME WHERE THE BOMB IS OR I'LL SHOOT YOU IN THE HEAD!!!!" At this point, the bad guy inevitably gives up the location of the bomb. (But in true 24 fashion, every once in awhile, Jack will actually shoot the person he's interrogating. The show always keeps you on your toes.)

My absolute favorite show is The Shield, which is showing on FX. The Shield takes everything that was great about NYPD Blue (namely violence, nudity, and swearing), and brings it up another 10 levels. Simply amazing. The Shield is a cop show that focuses on Vic Mackey (played by Michael Chiklis of The Commish and Fantastic 4) and his Strike Team. The Strike Team is a group of seedy cops that deals drugs and various other illegal things.

What makes The Shield great, though, is that they push the lines too. They have cops that do illegal things, but for moral reasons. For example, one reason Vic deals drugs is because he has 2 kids with autism that need special education that he can't afford on his cop salary. The writers of The Shield are amazing in how they're able to craft situations where the Strike Team (or just Vic) get themselves into situations where you know they're dead. But they manage to extricate themselves, only to find themselves in another mess. Just like 24, every show is an adrenaline rush.

Unfortunately, new seasons come out about as often as The Sopranos. I've been dying a slow death for the last year, just waiting for something on TV to actually entertain me. And now that Arrested Development was cancelled by Fox, these are the shows that I desperately need.

Grave Dancers Union by Soul Asylum

Grave Dancers Union is one of those rare albums that can truly stand the test of time, like the Beatles' Revolver or the Stones' Exile on Mainstreet or Hanson's Middle of Nowhere. From the very beginning, Soul Asylum gets your blood pumping with the teen-angst-themed "Somebody to Shove." While I don't agree with shoving people, I certainly understand the point behind the song. It's a reflection of man's desire to shove things. It works as a concept and it works in reality!

"Black Gold" was the bands major single off this album, and it's easy to see why. It's got a great guitar hook. You can hear the drums clearly. The singer sings intelligibly. What's not to love? I can't think of a thing.

The album really takes off from there. Songs like "Runaway Train" really make me wish I was on one when I'm listening to this album. After listening to the perfectly written songs being turned into such wonderfully performed dirges for alternative youth, I don't want to go on living. I've hit my zenith as a listener.

Grave Dancers Union successfully keeps the tempo mixed throughout the album. Slowing it down to a crawl on a few songs so that you can really appreciate every tune plucked on the accoustic guitar and the (fortunately) incessant whiny singing. When the album ends with "The Sun Maid," I'm just physically and emotionally spent. Soul Asylum really knows what it takes to put together a top-notch album that will surely last the test of time. I can see nothing but hit album after hit album for these songsters!

Today I'm listening to a couple albums that I just don't "get." For quite some time now, people have been telling me that I'd probably love Sonic Youth. They're so "alternative" and weird, how can I not like them? Cuz they suck, that's why. I mean, they're terrible. Horrible. No talent. Ass clowns. I'd rather listen to Michael Bolton and Celine Dion sing love duets. (I think "Islands in a Stream" is due for a remake....)

Today's album was Goo. Allmusic.com gives it a 4-star (out of 5) rating. I don't see how that's possible. Unless the number of stars indicates how many of their songs have more guitar feedback than a high school battle of the bands. What annoys me is critics who contend that there's some sort of art in the feedback. "It represents the angst that's prevalent in today's youth as they struggle for indepence, but are reliant upon their parents for income and sustenance. And the drums represent, um, drums." I think I should become a rock critic. I can make shit up to sell records. Which brings me to my next album.

Soul Asylum's Grave Dancers Union came out when I was in high school. I remember listening to it about a million times and thinking it was the bomb. Of course, in those days I had a mullet and thought Eddie Van Halen was Jesus Christ. What's really amazing is that I didn't do any drugs in those days. This album is just not good. It's beyond no good. It's Goo Goo Dolls meet Hanson with Satan acting as producer.

The album starts out decently enough. "Somebody to Shove" is a nice teen angst song. It got me pumped up when I was running 20 miles a day in garbage bags as a wrestler. But the song quality on the rest of the album drops off precipitously. "Black Gold" was a minor hit, but listening to it now, I don't understand why. I think it's because people were just coming off of bands like Poison, Cinderella, and Warrant. Almost anything sounds better than that. I still get shivers whenever I hear Poison's "Unskinny Bop."

Anyway, today on my blog, I'm introducing a guest writer, who I'll call Mr. Optimistic. Unlike me, Mr. Optimistic loves just about everything. Today, I'm going to ask him to write a review of Grave Dancer's Union. Just like him, I'm sure you won't be disappointed.

After a couple weeks of writing this blog, the reviews are finally in. They run the gamut from "You have too much time on your hands" to "What makes you think people want to read your idiotic thoughts?" Overall, they were much more positive than I expected.

Blogs are a funny thing. I don't think people really understand the purpose of them, especially the people who write them. I don't know how egotistical you have to be to even think people want to read about your boring life. But think of me as a good measuring stick. (I think that's the first time I've ever been used to measure anything, except maybe how many car bombs it takes to make someone shoot Guinness out of his nose.)

What's odd about writing a blog is that I have so much data regarding how popular it is. Or, rather, how unpopular it is. Today's hit counters provide such rich detail. I've learned quite a bit about my reader(s). For example, there's one person who may or may not be married to me that seems to read the blog a lot. Yep, that's about all I've discovered.

But will any of this deter me? Not at all. As I mentioned earlier, I have an incredible ego. Plus, if I didn't vent on my blog about the people that annoy me, I'd probably snap like Michael Douglas in Falling Down. (I get a little bit closer to that every time I get stuck in traffic on the Kennedy going to school, by the way.) Besides, as an unemployed student, I do have way too much time on my hands. And it's either write a blog or clean up the house. Which would you do?