Thursday, January 18, 2007
Guilty Pleasures
I’m slightly embarrassed to admit it, but I’m an American Idol fan. The only thing that tempers my embarrassment is that I stop watching the show after the initial tryouts. But to me, there is no funnier show on TV than the first few episodes of American Idol.
I’m a big fan of music. Which is ironic because I have little musical talent of my own. I used to be able to play the saxophone. And if pressured, I think I can play the first few bars of Van Halen’s “Jump” on the piano. But it doesn’t matter that I have little musical talent. The first episodes of American Idol are almost designed to make those of us with little musical talent feel better about ourselves because 90% of the people on the show have literally no musical talent. In fact, I think some of them actually register negative numbers on the Musical Talent Scale. (And that’s to say nothing of how’d they measure on the Personality or Sociability Scale.)
One of the things that annoyed me about last night’s show (which was in Seattle) was that they kicked the whole thing off by playing Jimi Hendrix’s “Voodoo Chile,” which is one of the best rock and roll songs of all time. Not only is it a great song, but it has the very best guitar playing of any song ever. I will accept no arguments to the contrary. My point? American Idol has absolutely nothing to do with rock and roll. Putting a Jimi Hendrix song (let alone a great one such a “Voodoo Chile”) on before listening to these losers attempt to sing is like playing a clip from Pulp Fiction before a SpongeBob movie.
(Another thing that annoys me is Ryan Seacrest, but I don’t feel like discussing that twit right now.)
What I love about the tryout episodes is that the contestants are bad. Really, really bad. And some of them might be legitimately insane. Over the years, it seems like the producers have made more of an effort to show these losers. (Did you notice that at the end of the show, they say, “Oh, and here are a bunch of people going to Hollywood”?) Personally, I’m glad they are. Watching someone sing a Christina Aguilera song decently is not entertaining. Watching someone butcher a Queen or Journey song? Hi-larious.
At some point last night though, I started feeling bad for these contestants. Not because they’re singing badly on national TV, but because they have no clue just how bad they’re singing. They had one guy on whose last name was something like Zitman. Yep. He was downright creepy. Like cross-the-street-if-you-see-him-walking-towards-you creepy. And he said that his co-workers encouraged him to audition. This poor guy gets humiliated on national TV all because his co-workers told him he was good enough to audition. They played a cruel, sadistic joke for their own amusement and that both saddens and angers me. I mean, why couldn’t I think of it first?
Honestly, I know a fair share of weird people. And I’m not even talking about relatives. Why didn’t I start dropping hints about how great a show American Idol is and how great a singer they are? And hey, wouldn’t they be great on American Idol? They’d certainly have my vote! Hee!
There was another character on the show who I can only describe as Lemur-Boy. You’ve probably seen him in the commercials if you happened to miss the show. If you know what a lemur is, you’ll know exactly who I’m talking about. At one point while he was singing, he put his hand to his head and did a horrible, frightening dance, causing Paula to literally spin around in her chair to avoid laughing in his face. When they mentioned that dance move to him, he revealed that he did it while karaoking and his friends encouraged him to continue doing it. I was a little upset that I don’t have a friend like Lemur-Boy to pull a joke like this on. But I was quite pleased to know that there are people out there like me who relish in mocking other people. Now, if only I can figure out a way to do it on national TV.
I’m a big fan of music. Which is ironic because I have little musical talent of my own. I used to be able to play the saxophone. And if pressured, I think I can play the first few bars of Van Halen’s “Jump” on the piano. But it doesn’t matter that I have little musical talent. The first episodes of American Idol are almost designed to make those of us with little musical talent feel better about ourselves because 90% of the people on the show have literally no musical talent. In fact, I think some of them actually register negative numbers on the Musical Talent Scale. (And that’s to say nothing of how’d they measure on the Personality or Sociability Scale.)
One of the things that annoyed me about last night’s show (which was in Seattle) was that they kicked the whole thing off by playing Jimi Hendrix’s “Voodoo Chile,” which is one of the best rock and roll songs of all time. Not only is it a great song, but it has the very best guitar playing of any song ever. I will accept no arguments to the contrary. My point? American Idol has absolutely nothing to do with rock and roll. Putting a Jimi Hendrix song (let alone a great one such a “Voodoo Chile”) on before listening to these losers attempt to sing is like playing a clip from Pulp Fiction before a SpongeBob movie.
(Another thing that annoys me is Ryan Seacrest, but I don’t feel like discussing that twit right now.)
What I love about the tryout episodes is that the contestants are bad. Really, really bad. And some of them might be legitimately insane. Over the years, it seems like the producers have made more of an effort to show these losers. (Did you notice that at the end of the show, they say, “Oh, and here are a bunch of people going to Hollywood”?) Personally, I’m glad they are. Watching someone sing a Christina Aguilera song decently is not entertaining. Watching someone butcher a Queen or Journey song? Hi-larious.
At some point last night though, I started feeling bad for these contestants. Not because they’re singing badly on national TV, but because they have no clue just how bad they’re singing. They had one guy on whose last name was something like Zitman. Yep. He was downright creepy. Like cross-the-street-if-you-see-him-walking-towards-you creepy. And he said that his co-workers encouraged him to audition. This poor guy gets humiliated on national TV all because his co-workers told him he was good enough to audition. They played a cruel, sadistic joke for their own amusement and that both saddens and angers me. I mean, why couldn’t I think of it first?
Honestly, I know a fair share of weird people. And I’m not even talking about relatives. Why didn’t I start dropping hints about how great a show American Idol is and how great a singer they are? And hey, wouldn’t they be great on American Idol? They’d certainly have my vote! Hee!
There was another character on the show who I can only describe as Lemur-Boy. You’ve probably seen him in the commercials if you happened to miss the show. If you know what a lemur is, you’ll know exactly who I’m talking about. At one point while he was singing, he put his hand to his head and did a horrible, frightening dance, causing Paula to literally spin around in her chair to avoid laughing in his face. When they mentioned that dance move to him, he revealed that he did it while karaoking and his friends encouraged him to continue doing it. I was a little upset that I don’t have a friend like Lemur-Boy to pull a joke like this on. But I was quite pleased to know that there are people out there like me who relish in mocking other people. Now, if only I can figure out a way to do it on national TV.
