Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Another One Bites the Dust
In the second day of the 24 season premiere, another CTU agent was killed. By Jack Bauer, of course. I, for one, was not upset. Agent Curtis Manning was shot by Jack because he wanted to kill a known terrorist (Assad) who was just given a pardon by the President. A few years earlier, Assad had beheaded some of Manning’s fellow army men in Iraq. Manning couldn’t handle letting him go, so Jack had to put him down with a gun shot to the neck. Great aim by Jack despite spending the previous 2 years being tortured in a Chinese prison.
I wonder what I could do after 2 years of doing nothing. (Ignore being tortured, because I wouldn’t survive torture. I’d confess to kidnapping the Lindberg baby.) I’m pretty sure I could walk. I would probably be able to throw a ball around. Of course, that assumes that I have moderate talent at it right now. I doubt I’d be able to jump right back into my video games. And I’m sure it would take me awhile to remember how to type, let alone how to write macros in Excel. Would I be able to fire a gun into a man’s neck at 20 yards? I’m guessing no.
Manning’s death made me realize something about CTU. Maybe it’s because I’m an actuary who works on pension plans, but it seems to me like CTU is saving a FORTUNE on their retirement plan because nobody actually makes it to retirement. Let’s look at some of the CTU characters over the years:
Jack – still alive, but only barely.
Nina – traitor, Jack killed her
Michelle – killed by a car bomb
Tony Almeida – killed by a former CTU agent, played by Robocop himself, Peter Weller
Peter Weller’s character – killed by Jack just because
Edgar – killed by nerve gas (along with 80% of the CTU office last year)
Rudy (Sean Astin’s character) – killed by nerve gas (but to save everyone else’s life)
Ryan Chappelle – shot in the head by Jack at the bequest of terrorists
George Mason – killed mostly by a radioactive leak, but effectively by a nuclear bomb
Gael – killed by nerve gas, but in a hotel, not CTU
Chase managed to “retire,” but only after Jack chopped off his arm to save the world. I know that I’m missing some people. I’m certainly not counting any of the “red-shirts” (see Star Trek) who went to (e.g.) pick up Kim but ended up getting killed by terrorists. In fact, one of the few characters to leave CTU without dying (Milo) just returned this year. And you know what that means, right? He’s going to die at some point.
And that gets me back to my original point. With nobody reaching retirement, why do people work at CTU? It has to have the worst employee survey results ever. Can you even imagine the survey? “Do you feel engaged at work?” “Does your manager support you?” “Have you ever had to defuse a nuclear bomb?” I could just imagine the HR company trying to summarize the results. “Bill, we’re missing about 25% of the surveys and it’s my understanding that those people are all dead now. We’re going to make all their answers ‘undecided.’”
Besides Manning dying, there was quite a bit of action last night. They blew up a nuclear bomb, which means that Jack wasn’t able to “save the day.” I heard some people at work talk about how this is the first time (a) that a nuclear bomb went off on TV and (b) that Jack didn’t save the day.
They’re wrong on both parts. In the second season, George Mason (dying of radiation poisoning) flew a plane loaded with a nuclear bomb into the desert so it could explode without major loss of life. And last year, there were a few instances of nerve gas being released throughout the city.
This year, we’re faced with the prospect of the terrorists exploding 4 more nuclear bombs in L.A., which I suppose is a bad thing in principal. In reality, losing L.A. wouldn’t be so bad, except that we wouldn’t be able to watch 24 any more. Now, there’s a conundrum.
Anyway, after watching all 4 hours of 24 over the past couple of days, I have one lingering question: what’s up with the Chinese? When Jack was handed back over to the Americans in the first hour, the Head Chinese Dude said that the President paid a steep price for getting Jack back. What did he pay? I assume that’s foreshadowing and not a red herring. And will the Chinese be pissed that the terrorists didn’t kill Jack? I hope they try to kidnap him again at the end of the season so they can finish him off. I want to see Jack go Kung Fu on those commie bastards!
I wonder what I could do after 2 years of doing nothing. (Ignore being tortured, because I wouldn’t survive torture. I’d confess to kidnapping the Lindberg baby.) I’m pretty sure I could walk. I would probably be able to throw a ball around. Of course, that assumes that I have moderate talent at it right now. I doubt I’d be able to jump right back into my video games. And I’m sure it would take me awhile to remember how to type, let alone how to write macros in Excel. Would I be able to fire a gun into a man’s neck at 20 yards? I’m guessing no.
Manning’s death made me realize something about CTU. Maybe it’s because I’m an actuary who works on pension plans, but it seems to me like CTU is saving a FORTUNE on their retirement plan because nobody actually makes it to retirement. Let’s look at some of the CTU characters over the years:
Jack – still alive, but only barely.
Nina – traitor, Jack killed her
Michelle – killed by a car bomb
Tony Almeida – killed by a former CTU agent, played by Robocop himself, Peter Weller
Peter Weller’s character – killed by Jack just because
Edgar – killed by nerve gas (along with 80% of the CTU office last year)
Rudy (Sean Astin’s character) – killed by nerve gas (but to save everyone else’s life)
Ryan Chappelle – shot in the head by Jack at the bequest of terrorists
George Mason – killed mostly by a radioactive leak, but effectively by a nuclear bomb
Gael – killed by nerve gas, but in a hotel, not CTU
Chase managed to “retire,” but only after Jack chopped off his arm to save the world. I know that I’m missing some people. I’m certainly not counting any of the “red-shirts” (see Star Trek) who went to (e.g.) pick up Kim but ended up getting killed by terrorists. In fact, one of the few characters to leave CTU without dying (Milo) just returned this year. And you know what that means, right? He’s going to die at some point.
And that gets me back to my original point. With nobody reaching retirement, why do people work at CTU? It has to have the worst employee survey results ever. Can you even imagine the survey? “Do you feel engaged at work?” “Does your manager support you?” “Have you ever had to defuse a nuclear bomb?” I could just imagine the HR company trying to summarize the results. “Bill, we’re missing about 25% of the surveys and it’s my understanding that those people are all dead now. We’re going to make all their answers ‘undecided.’”
Besides Manning dying, there was quite a bit of action last night. They blew up a nuclear bomb, which means that Jack wasn’t able to “save the day.” I heard some people at work talk about how this is the first time (a) that a nuclear bomb went off on TV and (b) that Jack didn’t save the day.
They’re wrong on both parts. In the second season, George Mason (dying of radiation poisoning) flew a plane loaded with a nuclear bomb into the desert so it could explode without major loss of life. And last year, there were a few instances of nerve gas being released throughout the city.
This year, we’re faced with the prospect of the terrorists exploding 4 more nuclear bombs in L.A., which I suppose is a bad thing in principal. In reality, losing L.A. wouldn’t be so bad, except that we wouldn’t be able to watch 24 any more. Now, there’s a conundrum.
Anyway, after watching all 4 hours of 24 over the past couple of days, I have one lingering question: what’s up with the Chinese? When Jack was handed back over to the Americans in the first hour, the Head Chinese Dude said that the President paid a steep price for getting Jack back. What did he pay? I assume that’s foreshadowing and not a red herring. And will the Chinese be pissed that the terrorists didn’t kill Jack? I hope they try to kidnap him again at the end of the season so they can finish him off. I want to see Jack go Kung Fu on those commie bastards!
