Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Talking Heads (and not the kind with David Byrne)
Holy Shnikeys! Did you see that Bears game last night? Is it possible for one game to be both the worst and the best Bears game I’ve ever seen? The first two and a half hours were simply painful. The last half hour was a complete turnaround. It was great enough to make me forget the earlier misery. The only comparison I can think of is if you went out drinking with me for 3 hours. You get stuck listening to me babble on and on for 2.5 hours about how cool actuaries are. Then some hot chick (or dude, if that’s your persuasion) walks up, punches me in the nose, and takes you home for a night of fantastic sex.
The Wife and I started watching the game and it was a disaster. (Which makes me think that The Wife is to blame since she was actually watching it. Truth is, she’s to blame because she dressed Luke in his Bears outfit on SUNDAY! How dare she not know that the Bears were playing on Monday night. Unacceptable! So when The Wife went to bed, I woke up Luke and put on his Bears outfit. And they came back and won the game. Coincidence? I think not.)
Anyway, we had a hard time watching the game. And not just because Luke was still awake. No, we had a hard time because we couldn’t follow what was going on. I’m not a huge fan of Monday Night Football. And yesterday, I finally figured out why. It’s because MNF isn’t about football. It’s about entertainment. They’re so worried about diminishing ratings that they’re literally throwing everything at you (duck!), hoping you’ll find something entertaining. But the problem is that it’s all too much. You have three dopes in the booth who can’t help but talk over each other. More importantly, they talk about esoteric things like “momentum” instead of telling us about how Rex Grossman got intercepted because he didn’t check down his receivers.
“The Bears have the momentum back after forcing that field goal try. Interception! Now the Cardinals have the momentum. I hope the momentum of the momentum shifts doesn’t get out of control. Fumble! Momentumble!” Just shoot me.
To make matters worse, for the entire second quarter (or what seemed like it), they had Charles Barkley in the booth. Yes, Charles Barkley. The BASKETBALL player. With absolutely nothing to promote. So what do they talk to him about? How hard it is to get momentum. In basketball. Then they go on to compare basketball and football. “Isn’t there a lot of contact in basketball in the paint?” “Um, not like football.” Hey, morons. It’s two completely different games. Why not bring in an Olympic badminton champion. Or the Iditarod winner. “How hard is it to get the sled dogs to understand the concept of momentum?”
So for an entire quarter of football, we got four morons in the booth talking about everything but what was happening on the field. And that’s when I realized that MNF has completely screwed everything up. And I blame Howard Cosell. When he first started announcing games on MNF, people would tune in to hear what Howard had to say. He was nuts. He was unpredictable. He single-handedly made the games interesting.
But that was 20 years ago. It’s a completely different landscape in football today. We don’t need announcers to entertain us because the game itself is so much more entertaining. (Well, not if you’re watching the Browns visit the Raiders. But for the most part.) And the best games to watch are the ones where the announcers are informing you instead of “entertaining” you. That’s why I enjoy watching Troy Aikman or Moose Johnston. They actually know what they’re talking about. They give you insight into the game. They actually add something to the game. And one of the ways they do it is by shutting the hell up every once in awhile. Football doesn’t have to be a blab fest.
The Wife and I started watching the game and it was a disaster. (Which makes me think that The Wife is to blame since she was actually watching it. Truth is, she’s to blame because she dressed Luke in his Bears outfit on SUNDAY! How dare she not know that the Bears were playing on Monday night. Unacceptable! So when The Wife went to bed, I woke up Luke and put on his Bears outfit. And they came back and won the game. Coincidence? I think not.)
Anyway, we had a hard time watching the game. And not just because Luke was still awake. No, we had a hard time because we couldn’t follow what was going on. I’m not a huge fan of Monday Night Football. And yesterday, I finally figured out why. It’s because MNF isn’t about football. It’s about entertainment. They’re so worried about diminishing ratings that they’re literally throwing everything at you (duck!), hoping you’ll find something entertaining. But the problem is that it’s all too much. You have three dopes in the booth who can’t help but talk over each other. More importantly, they talk about esoteric things like “momentum” instead of telling us about how Rex Grossman got intercepted because he didn’t check down his receivers.
“The Bears have the momentum back after forcing that field goal try. Interception! Now the Cardinals have the momentum. I hope the momentum of the momentum shifts doesn’t get out of control. Fumble! Momentumble!” Just shoot me.
To make matters worse, for the entire second quarter (or what seemed like it), they had Charles Barkley in the booth. Yes, Charles Barkley. The BASKETBALL player. With absolutely nothing to promote. So what do they talk to him about? How hard it is to get momentum. In basketball. Then they go on to compare basketball and football. “Isn’t there a lot of contact in basketball in the paint?” “Um, not like football.” Hey, morons. It’s two completely different games. Why not bring in an Olympic badminton champion. Or the Iditarod winner. “How hard is it to get the sled dogs to understand the concept of momentum?”
So for an entire quarter of football, we got four morons in the booth talking about everything but what was happening on the field. And that’s when I realized that MNF has completely screwed everything up. And I blame Howard Cosell. When he first started announcing games on MNF, people would tune in to hear what Howard had to say. He was nuts. He was unpredictable. He single-handedly made the games interesting.
But that was 20 years ago. It’s a completely different landscape in football today. We don’t need announcers to entertain us because the game itself is so much more entertaining. (Well, not if you’re watching the Browns visit the Raiders. But for the most part.) And the best games to watch are the ones where the announcers are informing you instead of “entertaining” you. That’s why I enjoy watching Troy Aikman or Moose Johnston. They actually know what they’re talking about. They give you insight into the game. They actually add something to the game. And one of the ways they do it is by shutting the hell up every once in awhile. Football doesn’t have to be a blab fest.
