Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Midgets of the Midway
Last night, one of my friends who moved to D.C. (Foster) stopped in Chicago for a brief layover. So a bunch of us went to Real Time Sports in Elk Grove to watch Monday Night Football. To my surprise, Jerry Azumah, a former Chicago Bear was there as well. He was doing some sort of promotion, giving away XM satellite radios or something. But the amazing thing to me was just how small Jerry Azumah was.
For those who don’t know, Jerry Azumah played cornerback for the Bears. He was also the NCAA leading rusher at University of New Hampshire. That’s sort of like being the tallest midget. It doesn’t mean much. Anyway, for some reason, I always assumed that football players were HUGE. I mean, they all LOOK huge. But last night, I had the opportunity to stand next to Jerry, and I just couldn’t get over the fact that he was a tiny man.
Now part of that, no doubt, has to do with me being way overweight. Next to me, Gilbert Grape’s mom starts to look svelte. But I’m not a tall man, no matter how fat I get. And Jerry wasn’t really any taller than me. Maybe an inch or two. (According to the NFL website, he's 5'10". Okay, then I'm 5'9". The Wife would love THAT.)
And Jerry was very small in the upper body. He was definitely cut (you could tell by the skin-tight shirt he was wearing), but he wouldn’t be mistaken for a body builder. Although, at the risk of sounding gay, it looked like he had pretty thick legs and a big butt. That must be where he hides the 192 pounds that the NFL website says he weighs. I'm guessing he's hiding sandbags in those pants. Anyway, I’m guessing that if you’re going to be a cornerback or wide receiver in the NFL, big legs and a big butt are more important than huge shoulders and big biceps.
Either way, I was thoroughly unimpressed with the physique of Jerry Azumah. It made me think that *I* could have played for the Bears. If only I lost 40 pounds. And grew a couple inches. And had some talent. But other than that, I could totally play for them.
For those who don’t know, Jerry Azumah played cornerback for the Bears. He was also the NCAA leading rusher at University of New Hampshire. That’s sort of like being the tallest midget. It doesn’t mean much. Anyway, for some reason, I always assumed that football players were HUGE. I mean, they all LOOK huge. But last night, I had the opportunity to stand next to Jerry, and I just couldn’t get over the fact that he was a tiny man.
Now part of that, no doubt, has to do with me being way overweight. Next to me, Gilbert Grape’s mom starts to look svelte. But I’m not a tall man, no matter how fat I get. And Jerry wasn’t really any taller than me. Maybe an inch or two. (According to the NFL website, he's 5'10". Okay, then I'm 5'9". The Wife would love THAT.)
And Jerry was very small in the upper body. He was definitely cut (you could tell by the skin-tight shirt he was wearing), but he wouldn’t be mistaken for a body builder. Although, at the risk of sounding gay, it looked like he had pretty thick legs and a big butt. That must be where he hides the 192 pounds that the NFL website says he weighs. I'm guessing he's hiding sandbags in those pants. Anyway, I’m guessing that if you’re going to be a cornerback or wide receiver in the NFL, big legs and a big butt are more important than huge shoulders and big biceps.
Either way, I was thoroughly unimpressed with the physique of Jerry Azumah. It made me think that *I* could have played for the Bears. If only I lost 40 pounds. And grew a couple inches. And had some talent. But other than that, I could totally play for them.
