Monday, September 11, 2006
Are You Ready for Some Football?
This weekend, I saw one of the most amazing things in my life. The Bears shut out Brett Favre’s Packers. Brett Favre has been haunting my football life for many years. I can’t think of an athlete I hate more than him, including the detestable Barry Bonds. And the reason I hate him so much? Cuz he consistently kills the Bears. Well, not anymore.
In fact, I’ve slowly realized that I now love Brett Favre. Now that he’s a washed-up, old, sucky quarterback (who the Bears play twice a year), I love him. I hope he never retires. I’m going to start writing letters to him every week about how his gutsy performance inspired me to do amazing things myself. One week, I’ll pretend I’m paralyzed and he inspired me to walk. One week, I’ll pretend I’m blind and he made me see. Another week, I’ll pretend I’m a dork (okay, no pretending necessary) and he made me ask out the high school homecoming queen. (It’ll be especially creepy (and funny) if I tell him I’m 31.)
This is shaping up to be a good year for my beloved Bears. Thank god. Because the Illini are going to be terrible. They lost 33-0 to RUTGERS. Did you even know that Rutgers had a football team? Hell, did you even know they were a college? (If you’re from the Midwest, it wouldn’t surprise me if the answer is no.) And somehow the Illini are supposed to compete in the Big Ten? Um, no. Not this year. Not next year. Not ever. It’s going to be very difficult to convince Luke to go there in 16 years if they have a shitty football team. The whole plan was to take him down there for tailgating so he’d grow to love the school and the campus. Looks like that plan just got shitcanned. And unless they move the Math Team State Finals to U of I, it looks like I’ll never take him down there. And believe me, tailgating for Math Team events isn’t quite as exciting as it sounds.
For me, life is better if I have a good team to follow during a season. For example, the Cubs were terrible this year. And since I hate the White Sox, I had absolutely nothing to follow this summer. As a result, I had to find a new way to fill my “internet time” at work. And so I started “investing” on movies courtesy of the Hollywood Stock Exchange. And now I annoy the hell out of my wife by asking her if she thinks How to Eat Fried Worms will make more than $5 million on its opening weekend.
And after I saw the Illini get pummeled, I was worried about the Bears. Especially since they were opening the weekend in Green Bay against the hated Favre. But the Bears just beat the hell out of Favre, and hopefully they’ll force him to start popping pain pills again. Now if the Bears can just keep playing like this, my fall will go by quickly and I can mope through the winter with the Bulls and Blackhawks until Cubs spring training starts, when hope springs eternal.
In fact, I’ve slowly realized that I now love Brett Favre. Now that he’s a washed-up, old, sucky quarterback (who the Bears play twice a year), I love him. I hope he never retires. I’m going to start writing letters to him every week about how his gutsy performance inspired me to do amazing things myself. One week, I’ll pretend I’m paralyzed and he inspired me to walk. One week, I’ll pretend I’m blind and he made me see. Another week, I’ll pretend I’m a dork (okay, no pretending necessary) and he made me ask out the high school homecoming queen. (It’ll be especially creepy (and funny) if I tell him I’m 31.)
This is shaping up to be a good year for my beloved Bears. Thank god. Because the Illini are going to be terrible. They lost 33-0 to RUTGERS. Did you even know that Rutgers had a football team? Hell, did you even know they were a college? (If you’re from the Midwest, it wouldn’t surprise me if the answer is no.) And somehow the Illini are supposed to compete in the Big Ten? Um, no. Not this year. Not next year. Not ever. It’s going to be very difficult to convince Luke to go there in 16 years if they have a shitty football team. The whole plan was to take him down there for tailgating so he’d grow to love the school and the campus. Looks like that plan just got shitcanned. And unless they move the Math Team State Finals to U of I, it looks like I’ll never take him down there. And believe me, tailgating for Math Team events isn’t quite as exciting as it sounds.
For me, life is better if I have a good team to follow during a season. For example, the Cubs were terrible this year. And since I hate the White Sox, I had absolutely nothing to follow this summer. As a result, I had to find a new way to fill my “internet time” at work. And so I started “investing” on movies courtesy of the Hollywood Stock Exchange. And now I annoy the hell out of my wife by asking her if she thinks How to Eat Fried Worms will make more than $5 million on its opening weekend.
And after I saw the Illini get pummeled, I was worried about the Bears. Especially since they were opening the weekend in Green Bay against the hated Favre. But the Bears just beat the hell out of Favre, and hopefully they’ll force him to start popping pain pills again. Now if the Bears can just keep playing like this, my fall will go by quickly and I can mope through the winter with the Bulls and Blackhawks until Cubs spring training starts, when hope springs eternal.
