Thursday, June 29, 2006
Too Much Food
One of the odd things about LAF is the amount of free food that they give us. Every Monday, our group (about 30 people) has a scheduling meeting. The intention is to find out what everybody’s availability is for the next 4 weeks. (That way, people with no work can be assigned stuff.) We also use this time to make announcements and so forth. But the real reason I think we have the meeting? So we can have a catered breakfast every Monday morning. They bring in a whole spread that includes yogurt, fruit, bagels, donuts, and some sort of egg-sandwich thing, plus various juices and coffees.
Every month we have training sessions. (I should say that they’re at least every month. So far, I’ve been to three and I’ve been here six weeks.) Those are always catered.
Apparently, at the end of the month, we have HUGE cookies to celebrate people’s birthdays during the month. (I’m one of those people. And you owe me a gift. Don’t think I didn’t notice.) When I say “HUGE,” I mean it. They’re basically the size of pizzas, covered in frosting. I prefer the chocolate chip variety (naturally), but I’m pretty much willing to eat anything with icing on it.
(True story. When I worked in Boston, our cafeteria lady would make a banana cake that I hated because of my unnatural hatred of bananas. But the icing on the cake was to die for. So, I ate the cake and winced with every bite. “Mmm, frosting. Ick, banana!” Yeah, I could have eaten just the frosting, but that wouldn’t be right. I managed to force the banana cake down with it. Sometimes I’d even have two pieces. That’s how good the icing was. And yet, somehow, I managed to gain about 30 pounds in my 3 years in Boston.)
Anyway, back to the HUGE cookies. Do they really need to put icing on it? Isn’t a HUGE cookie enough? Why don’t they put some ice cream on it too? Which brings me to a discussion I had with The Wife. When I told her about the HUGE cookies and how much I loved them, she said that she’d have to get me one for my next birthday. But that would directly conflict with my favorite type of birthday cake – ice cream cake. So we brainstormed and decided that we’d get a HUGE cookie, put an ice cream cake on top of it, and then put another HUGE cookie on top of that to make a gigantic cookie sandwich.
(Another true story. In Boston, we had free food all day, every day. We had a freezer with various ice cream sundries in it. One of my favorites was an M&M ice cream sandwich. It was basically two M&M cookies with ice cream in the middle. I used to go through those things like they were going out of style. And yet, somehow, I managed to gain about 30 pounds in my 3 years in Boston.)
LAF has numerous training sessions, most of which are catered. I don’t get to go to all of them, but I usually get to eat from all of them. You see, whenever there’s leftover food, they bring it up to our coffee station for the rest of us fat ingrates to eat. And if they’re going to call me a fat ingrate, then I’m damn well going to eat their food.
As if my company doesn’t provide enough free food, now our building is giving us free food. Apparently, LAF has been in this new building for exactly one year now. To thank us, the building owners gave us a basket of candies. I guess it’s the least they could do for us leasing 20 floors of prime downtown Chicago real estate.
I swear, LAF must have heard about how much weight I gained in Boston and they’re trying to see if I can manage to gain another 30 pounds while working here. Well, the joke’s on them. I couldn’t possibly gain that much weight. If I did, I’d have a heart attack trying to chase Luke all over the place. So I’d die before I ever got all the way to 30 pounds. Ha! But I bet I could gain at least 25.
Every month we have training sessions. (I should say that they’re at least every month. So far, I’ve been to three and I’ve been here six weeks.) Those are always catered.
Apparently, at the end of the month, we have HUGE cookies to celebrate people’s birthdays during the month. (I’m one of those people. And you owe me a gift. Don’t think I didn’t notice.) When I say “HUGE,” I mean it. They’re basically the size of pizzas, covered in frosting. I prefer the chocolate chip variety (naturally), but I’m pretty much willing to eat anything with icing on it.
(True story. When I worked in Boston, our cafeteria lady would make a banana cake that I hated because of my unnatural hatred of bananas. But the icing on the cake was to die for. So, I ate the cake and winced with every bite. “Mmm, frosting. Ick, banana!” Yeah, I could have eaten just the frosting, but that wouldn’t be right. I managed to force the banana cake down with it. Sometimes I’d even have two pieces. That’s how good the icing was. And yet, somehow, I managed to gain about 30 pounds in my 3 years in Boston.)
Anyway, back to the HUGE cookies. Do they really need to put icing on it? Isn’t a HUGE cookie enough? Why don’t they put some ice cream on it too? Which brings me to a discussion I had with The Wife. When I told her about the HUGE cookies and how much I loved them, she said that she’d have to get me one for my next birthday. But that would directly conflict with my favorite type of birthday cake – ice cream cake. So we brainstormed and decided that we’d get a HUGE cookie, put an ice cream cake on top of it, and then put another HUGE cookie on top of that to make a gigantic cookie sandwich.
(Another true story. In Boston, we had free food all day, every day. We had a freezer with various ice cream sundries in it. One of my favorites was an M&M ice cream sandwich. It was basically two M&M cookies with ice cream in the middle. I used to go through those things like they were going out of style. And yet, somehow, I managed to gain about 30 pounds in my 3 years in Boston.)
LAF has numerous training sessions, most of which are catered. I don’t get to go to all of them, but I usually get to eat from all of them. You see, whenever there’s leftover food, they bring it up to our coffee station for the rest of us fat ingrates to eat. And if they’re going to call me a fat ingrate, then I’m damn well going to eat their food.
As if my company doesn’t provide enough free food, now our building is giving us free food. Apparently, LAF has been in this new building for exactly one year now. To thank us, the building owners gave us a basket of candies. I guess it’s the least they could do for us leasing 20 floors of prime downtown Chicago real estate.
I swear, LAF must have heard about how much weight I gained in Boston and they’re trying to see if I can manage to gain another 30 pounds while working here. Well, the joke’s on them. I couldn’t possibly gain that much weight. If I did, I’d have a heart attack trying to chase Luke all over the place. So I’d die before I ever got all the way to 30 pounds. Ha! But I bet I could gain at least 25.
