Thursday, May 11, 2006
Catching Up on 24
Only 4 episodes of 24 left for the season. Let's see if I can quickly some up what's happened so far. Former President David Palmer is killed. Jack Bauer (presumed dead) is framed for it. A bunch of other people die too. Jack gets thrown into a plot to hijack (is that the right word?) an airport. Turns out this was just a ruse to get ahold of some nerve gas. Said nerve gas is about to be deployed in a mall (with the President's okay) before Jack thwarts the attempt. The nerve gas is then used on CTU. Rudy (aka Sean Astin) dies so he can save CTU. (It was partially his fault that they got gassed in the first place.) Jack then thwarts an attempt to release the nerve gas into the general populace. Then he discovers that there's a mole inside the President's office who okayed the theft and use of the nerve gas. Turns out that this mole is the President himself. And of course, Jack Bauer has hijacked a plane to get the proof that the President is guilty. I think that gets us mostly caught up. Yeah, and this has all happened in 20 hours. Right....
It's now 3:00 am and Jack hasn't peed once. So the President has decided to shoot down the plane that Jack hijacked. Apparently, he doesn't want anyone to know that he okayed the theft of the nerve gas and that he arranged for President Palmer to be assassinated. Pussy. What's great about the last few episodes is that the President is getting advice from some secretive group who are all wearing identical bluetooth headsets for some reason. And the leader of this cabal? None other than the former Dr. Robert Romano of ER fame, Paul McCrane. Since he's bald and has that headset on, he looks like the guy who controlled the carbon freezing unit in Empire Strikes Back. I need a cabal with matching bluetooth headsets. That should be Step #1 for anybody's Plans To Take Over the World.
Well, you'll all be happy to know that Jack managed to land the plane before the Air Force could shoot him down. It was completely hokey and you knew it was going to work, but I must say that it was really suspenseful nonetheless. I can't give enough praise to the writers of this show. The throw enough unexpected things at you that you're totally riveted for the expected things. You're 99% sure you know what's going to happen, but that 1% is what makes it exciting. It's like going out drinking with me. You're 99% sure I'm going to be obnoxious and get into an argument with somebody. But there's always that 1% chance that we'll all end up in jail. And that's why I'm so fun to drink with. Or so I keep telling myself.
The thing I love most about 24 is the "who can you trust" game. Right now, the acting head of CTU is confiding in her 2nd man about the evidence Jack has against the President. The cynic in me knows that 2nd Man is going straight to the President with what he knows. But what if he isn't? This guessing game makes the story SO much more intriguing. You're constantly guessing what's going to happen. Again, like drinking with me, wondering when I'm going to do a pressed ham.
Right now, CTU is transferring a prisoner. This basically involves tedious paperwork. But for some reason, they're showing it. Clearly this means that something exciting is going to happen. Either that or 24 has seen the success of The Office and is trying to steal some of its thunder. "The same 24 as always, but now with paperwork! Catch it on Fox!" Uh-oh. Bad Transfer Prisoner just gave a head nod to the Driver of the Transport. Something wicked this way comes....
Hey, Jack just met up with his gal pal, Audrey. He just said that it's all over, everything's going to be all right. What a relief! And there's still 3 more episodes left. God, are they going to be boring. I'm guessing it's going to be all paperwork like I said above. Has The Office really been THAT successful?
Well, now the President has found out that his goose is cooked. His solution? He's going to shoot himself in the head. Come on. Okay, in one day, the former President is killed. The President's Chief of Staff (or was it Press Secretary) committed suicide. (Though that's questionable. it's possible that the President had him killed.) There's an attack on the Russian President (and his wife and the First Lady). The Secretary of Defense tries to kill himself by driving his car off a cliff (to avoid being killed by the President's Men), but somehow survives. Now the President commits suicide? There's no way that happens. (And yet, secretly, I'm really hoping that the President has the cajones to off himself this way. It would be one of the single best moments on TV. Right up there with Hawkeye kissing Hot Lips on MASH. Or Dee saying something sarcastic on What's Happening.) And if you're the President and you're going to commit suicide, why not go out on a high note? Why not do it on live TV? Or take out half your cabinet too? Do something interesting. Because years from now, nobody's going to remember a President killing himself. But they might just remember a murder-suicide.
Oooh! The President is visiting the crazy First Lady. I'm sorry, make that the Crazy First Lady. Possibilities for a murder-suicide are rising.... Bah! The President just begged forgiveness and left. What a jerk! Kill the bitch already! (She's actually not even a bitch. I just wanted to use that phrase. She's no Sheri Palmer, but Jean Smart (of Designing Women fame) did a great job this season as the First Lady.)
Alright. The President has his hand on his gun. He's poured his final drink. It's splatter city any minute now. But wait. What do we have here? A call from CTU. Someone has something to tell the President! About Jack Bauer! And it's 2nd Man. I told you he was a weasel. Apparently, he saw the potential gain of helping the President out. Instead of being a middle manager (and forever a 2nd Man), he can vault himself up to, I don't know, 1st Man status. All he has to do is kill everyone in CTU and destroy the recording. I think he can do it. This Jack Bauer character seems like the type to be easily foiled. Unfortunately, my hopes for a murder-suicide, or even just a plain-vanilla-suicide, have greatly decreased.
And so the episode ends with 2nd Man using some "cool technology" on the digital recording. He should have just used a magnet. One of my friends has a brother that works for a magnet-making company. He used to tell me stories about how his credit cards always got screwed up because his magnets would de-magnetize the strips. I, of course, begged him for one. He gave me one that was about 1-inch square (1/2 inch thick). His only advice? Keep it FAR away from my computer. So I put it on the fridge. I couldn't get it off. We would throw other magnets at it and watch the trajectories change radically. Sadly, I lost it in one of my many moves. Anyway, 2nd Man should have just used that magnet.
And so ends my longest summary of a TV show ever. Having it running on my computer makes it a lot easier to summarize. The problem? I'm getting into Television Without Pity area. (It's a great website to read show summaries if you've got about an hour to waste reading about a show.) So, if you want a more elaborate summary, head over there or to Fox's 24 episode guide. I promise to make my summaries of House and Lost much more concise.
It's now 3:00 am and Jack hasn't peed once. So the President has decided to shoot down the plane that Jack hijacked. Apparently, he doesn't want anyone to know that he okayed the theft of the nerve gas and that he arranged for President Palmer to be assassinated. Pussy. What's great about the last few episodes is that the President is getting advice from some secretive group who are all wearing identical bluetooth headsets for some reason. And the leader of this cabal? None other than the former Dr. Robert Romano of ER fame, Paul McCrane. Since he's bald and has that headset on, he looks like the guy who controlled the carbon freezing unit in Empire Strikes Back. I need a cabal with matching bluetooth headsets. That should be Step #1 for anybody's Plans To Take Over the World.
Well, you'll all be happy to know that Jack managed to land the plane before the Air Force could shoot him down. It was completely hokey and you knew it was going to work, but I must say that it was really suspenseful nonetheless. I can't give enough praise to the writers of this show. The throw enough unexpected things at you that you're totally riveted for the expected things. You're 99% sure you know what's going to happen, but that 1% is what makes it exciting. It's like going out drinking with me. You're 99% sure I'm going to be obnoxious and get into an argument with somebody. But there's always that 1% chance that we'll all end up in jail. And that's why I'm so fun to drink with. Or so I keep telling myself.
The thing I love most about 24 is the "who can you trust" game. Right now, the acting head of CTU is confiding in her 2nd man about the evidence Jack has against the President. The cynic in me knows that 2nd Man is going straight to the President with what he knows. But what if he isn't? This guessing game makes the story SO much more intriguing. You're constantly guessing what's going to happen. Again, like drinking with me, wondering when I'm going to do a pressed ham.
Right now, CTU is transferring a prisoner. This basically involves tedious paperwork. But for some reason, they're showing it. Clearly this means that something exciting is going to happen. Either that or 24 has seen the success of The Office and is trying to steal some of its thunder. "The same 24 as always, but now with paperwork! Catch it on Fox!" Uh-oh. Bad Transfer Prisoner just gave a head nod to the Driver of the Transport. Something wicked this way comes....
Hey, Jack just met up with his gal pal, Audrey. He just said that it's all over, everything's going to be all right. What a relief! And there's still 3 more episodes left. God, are they going to be boring. I'm guessing it's going to be all paperwork like I said above. Has The Office really been THAT successful?
Well, now the President has found out that his goose is cooked. His solution? He's going to shoot himself in the head. Come on. Okay, in one day, the former President is killed. The President's Chief of Staff (or was it Press Secretary) committed suicide. (Though that's questionable. it's possible that the President had him killed.) There's an attack on the Russian President (and his wife and the First Lady). The Secretary of Defense tries to kill himself by driving his car off a cliff (to avoid being killed by the President's Men), but somehow survives. Now the President commits suicide? There's no way that happens. (And yet, secretly, I'm really hoping that the President has the cajones to off himself this way. It would be one of the single best moments on TV. Right up there with Hawkeye kissing Hot Lips on MASH. Or Dee saying something sarcastic on What's Happening.) And if you're the President and you're going to commit suicide, why not go out on a high note? Why not do it on live TV? Or take out half your cabinet too? Do something interesting. Because years from now, nobody's going to remember a President killing himself. But they might just remember a murder-suicide.
Oooh! The President is visiting the crazy First Lady. I'm sorry, make that the Crazy First Lady. Possibilities for a murder-suicide are rising.... Bah! The President just begged forgiveness and left. What a jerk! Kill the bitch already! (She's actually not even a bitch. I just wanted to use that phrase. She's no Sheri Palmer, but Jean Smart (of Designing Women fame) did a great job this season as the First Lady.)
Alright. The President has his hand on his gun. He's poured his final drink. It's splatter city any minute now. But wait. What do we have here? A call from CTU. Someone has something to tell the President! About Jack Bauer! And it's 2nd Man. I told you he was a weasel. Apparently, he saw the potential gain of helping the President out. Instead of being a middle manager (and forever a 2nd Man), he can vault himself up to, I don't know, 1st Man status. All he has to do is kill everyone in CTU and destroy the recording. I think he can do it. This Jack Bauer character seems like the type to be easily foiled. Unfortunately, my hopes for a murder-suicide, or even just a plain-vanilla-suicide, have greatly decreased.
And so the episode ends with 2nd Man using some "cool technology" on the digital recording. He should have just used a magnet. One of my friends has a brother that works for a magnet-making company. He used to tell me stories about how his credit cards always got screwed up because his magnets would de-magnetize the strips. I, of course, begged him for one. He gave me one that was about 1-inch square (1/2 inch thick). His only advice? Keep it FAR away from my computer. So I put it on the fridge. I couldn't get it off. We would throw other magnets at it and watch the trajectories change radically. Sadly, I lost it in one of my many moves. Anyway, 2nd Man should have just used that magnet.
And so ends my longest summary of a TV show ever. Having it running on my computer makes it a lot easier to summarize. The problem? I'm getting into Television Without Pity area. (It's a great website to read show summaries if you've got about an hour to waste reading about a show.) So, if you want a more elaborate summary, head over there or to Fox's 24 episode guide. I promise to make my summaries of House and Lost much more concise.
