The Dow Is Up!

Today when I woke up, I weighed 193.2 pounds. I've only been a vegan for 24 hours and I'm already wasting away to nothing! At this rate, I'll completely disappear from the earth in 243 days. Sweet.

Last night The Wife and I ran some errands, one of which was to go grocery shopping for my new vegan lifestyle. It was more difficult than I thought. For one thing, I don't really eat a whole lot of fruits and veggies normally. So, there really wasn't anything in our house to begin with. I bought apples, oranges, a pineapple, a canteloupe, carrots, celery, lettuce, tomatoes, peppers (green, red, banana), and strawberries. If you'll notice, there's a lot of fruit in there and little veggies. Why? It's quite simple actually. Fruits are sweet. Veggies suck.

When we got home, we turned on Lost while I proceeded to chop up all my veggies for the salad. Then I sliced up the canteloupe for breakfast and the pineapple for whenever. I looked so domestic. Then I got hungry and scarfed down half a can (a Sam's can, so about 5 pounds) of honey-roasted nuts. I don't know how vegans feel about honey. Do they count bees as "animals?" And if so, are bees really tortured to make honey? Do they have free-range bees whose honey won't make me feel guilty? Cuz I love my honey-roasted peanuts. Yummy.

I found out that The Wife told her Mommy group about my stupid diet. The problem? The Wife is doing this whole Dinner by Design thing. She's going someplace to cook like 10 meals for the family all at once. Then we freeze them and eat them at a later date. Great, right? Well, I'm pretty sure none of those meals are vegan-friendly. In other words, very bad timing by me. This caused the Mommies to set the over-under on my diet at Monday. And I think they're all taking the under.

That's fine with me, too. I'll take all bets. It helps knowing that so many people doubt me. I, myself, doubted me. But not any more. I'm going to make it the whole way, damn it. Unless The Wife continues her tomfoolery, like when she bought cupcakes last night. She knows there are eggs in cupcakes. As a devout vegan, I find it cruel that chickens are forced to lay eggs solely for our consumption. (Note, I reserve the right to change that opinion in a month.) Well, I won't be tempted so easily. No, it's going to take chocolate chip cookies for that.