Wednesday, December 21, 2005
I Love Animals
It's a common statistic that the simple act of owning pets makes people live longer. My old college roommate, whom I call Fish (hee hee, nobody will ever figure out who he is now), used to always call me out on my statistics. I can't blame him either, because I'd never let a lack of factual proof get in the way of any of my arguments. As Homer Simpson said, "People can come up with statistics to prove anything. Forty percent of all people know that."
As we're preparing to host Christmas this year, I've been saddled with most of the home improvement and cleaning projects. I can't really complain. I have nothing better to do with my time. Literally nothing. Daytime TV isn't what it's cracked up to be, and I can only watch so many episodes of American Chopper on TiVo. And really, I don't mind cranking up the radio (actually, my iPod is what's cranking through the radio speakers) and getting some work done.
Today, my project was steam cleaning the carpets. The average household probably needs to do this once every few years. But since we have two cats and a dog, we have to do it more frequently. Much more frequently.
The cats love to fight each other. This isn't too abnormal. Most cats do. Because they're jerks. So there's always plenty of hair all over the carpet. The Kirby vacuum (great vacuum by the way, if I may sound like Mr. Mom for a second) picks up most of that without a problem. The real problem with the cats is that Simba can't keep his food down very well. In fact, I'm starting to think he's bulimic. Whenever I put the food out, he makes a big show of how much he can eat. But as soon as I turn my back, I hear wretching. I tried showing him the very special episode of Facts of Life where Blair battles bulimia, but he wouldn't pay attention. (By the way, am I making that up about FOL? I swear I remember watching that. Fish would be calling "bullshit" on me right now.)
Compounding the Simba puking problems is my dog Mocha. Mocha will eat anything. In fact, last night when we were moving around furniture, I noticed some chewed up pieces of wood on the floor. I couldn't figure out what they were from. Turns out, they were from a snowman sled. They were his "charcoal buttons." I put them back in the sled. Today, I find Mocha chewing on them again.
Anyway, Mocha figures that if it's on the ground, it's fair game for eating. (She also figures that if it's at all possible for her to reach it, it's fair game.) You can see how this is problematic. Because food that won't stay in a cat probably won't stay in a dog either. Combine that with Mocha's incontinence problems and we have to steam clean our carpets a LOT.
Which brings me to my point: having pets is GREAT! I can literally feel myself aging (but not dying, which is important) every time one of them vomits on the carpet. Or when my dog bites one of my friends. Or when she tries to kill another dog for no apparent reason. Or when Mocha chases Simba around the house, knocking over lamps, vases, babies, whatever. I can really feel the stress melting away. Owning pets is just wonderful. Everybody should do it.
As we're preparing to host Christmas this year, I've been saddled with most of the home improvement and cleaning projects. I can't really complain. I have nothing better to do with my time. Literally nothing. Daytime TV isn't what it's cracked up to be, and I can only watch so many episodes of American Chopper on TiVo. And really, I don't mind cranking up the radio (actually, my iPod is what's cranking through the radio speakers) and getting some work done.
Today, my project was steam cleaning the carpets. The average household probably needs to do this once every few years. But since we have two cats and a dog, we have to do it more frequently. Much more frequently.
The cats love to fight each other. This isn't too abnormal. Most cats do. Because they're jerks. So there's always plenty of hair all over the carpet. The Kirby vacuum (great vacuum by the way, if I may sound like Mr. Mom for a second) picks up most of that without a problem. The real problem with the cats is that Simba can't keep his food down very well. In fact, I'm starting to think he's bulimic. Whenever I put the food out, he makes a big show of how much he can eat. But as soon as I turn my back, I hear wretching. I tried showing him the very special episode of Facts of Life where Blair battles bulimia, but he wouldn't pay attention. (By the way, am I making that up about FOL? I swear I remember watching that. Fish would be calling "bullshit" on me right now.)
Compounding the Simba puking problems is my dog Mocha. Mocha will eat anything. In fact, last night when we were moving around furniture, I noticed some chewed up pieces of wood on the floor. I couldn't figure out what they were from. Turns out, they were from a snowman sled. They were his "charcoal buttons." I put them back in the sled. Today, I find Mocha chewing on them again.
Anyway, Mocha figures that if it's on the ground, it's fair game for eating. (She also figures that if it's at all possible for her to reach it, it's fair game.) You can see how this is problematic. Because food that won't stay in a cat probably won't stay in a dog either. Combine that with Mocha's incontinence problems and we have to steam clean our carpets a LOT.
Which brings me to my point: having pets is GREAT! I can literally feel myself aging (but not dying, which is important) every time one of them vomits on the carpet. Or when my dog bites one of my friends. Or when she tries to kill another dog for no apparent reason. Or when Mocha chases Simba around the house, knocking over lamps, vases, babies, whatever. I can really feel the stress melting away. Owning pets is just wonderful. Everybody should do it.
